People are weird, yo.

The key features are great.

• “Meticulously calibrated magnets in the base mimic the magnetic field of the Earth’s core”
  This is why the dinosaurs died out, guys. THEY DIDN’T MAGNETIZE THEIR WATER.
  
• “Multi-functional offering 3 cycles to align with your daily rhythms.”
  Is this referring to the three eight-hour cycles of our circadian rhythm? If so, WHY DOES MY WATER NEED TO SYNC WITH THAT?
  
• “Chromotherapy features radiating a choice of colours”
  Take it to a rave party! Be the envy of all those fools who didn’t spend $500 on a water vessel.
  
• “Sleek design for a lightweight and ergonomic experience”
  Put your H2O in a Nalgene bottle, goddammit! It’s cheaper and has this same feature.

Again, people are weird.