I’m in a procrastinatin’ mood, so here are some appropriate questions.

The Procrastination Tool Questions
1. What is your favorite sit-down restaurant?
It’s been SO LONG since I went into a restaurant, oh my god. Freaking COVID, bro. Probably Red Lobster. Like, you can sit in Mongolian BBQ, but takeout is just as easy there. So Red Lobster.

2. What food could you eat for 2 weeks straight and not get sick of it?
Spaghetti, probably.

3. Have you ever had anything removed from your body?
My appendix. Various bits of glass/metal/prickles from my feet. A piece of wicker chair from my eye. My soul.

4. What is the last heavy item you lifted?
Probably groceries.

5. Have you ever been knocked unconscious?
I…don’t think so?

6. If it were possible, would you want to know the day you were going to die?
Absolutely.

7. If you could change your name, what would you change it to?
I’m cool with my name I think. I used to hate it, but I don’t mind it now.

8. What’s your goal for the year?
THE MILES!

9. Last person you hugged?
Husband.

10. First place you went this morning?
The kitchen to put Pepper’s bowls in the sink.

11. Do you always answer your phone?
No. Go away.

12. It’s four in the morning and you get a text message, who is it?
Probably my mom.

13. If you could change your eye color what would it be?
I love blue eyes, but they’d look weird on me. So green.

14. What’s on your wish list for your birthday?
Blugh.

15. Does the future make you more nervous or excited?
Nervous. Climate change is here and we’re screwed.

16. Do you have any saved texts?
I haven’t had to delete any texts on my new phone yet.

17. Ever been in a car wreck?
Just a minor one.

18. Do you have an accent?
Yes, to some.

19. What was the last song to make you cry?
Coldplay’s “Fix You” was playing at Safeway and I started crying in the store, haha.

20. What did you do last night?
Usual nonsense.

21. Have you ever felt like you hit rock bottom?
Bitch, I AM rock bottom.

22. Current hate right now?
Myself.

23. Met someone who changed your life?
Yes.

24. How did you bring in the New Year?
I cried, probably. I’m also not doing this survey at the right time of the year, haha.

I’m in a weird-ass mood, so it’s time to nonsensically answer a survey.

As one does on occasion.

1. What was the last clothing item that you bought?
FORTY UMBRELLAS

2. If you could stay one age forever, what age would you choose?
The Bronze Age (I’m 99.9% sure I’ve used this joke before)

3. When you say “lol”, are you really laughing?
I am CRYING BITTERLY and plotting revenge on Al Gore, the inventor of the Tubes.

4. What is the most interesting thing you’ve done in the past year?
I bought an island in the sun.
Hip, hip.

5. If you started a business, what would it be?
It would be NONE OF YOURS, that’s for sure!

6. Do your friends/family/coworkers know about your blog?
Everyone knows Eigenblogger. EVERYONE.

7. How long does it take you to write an average blog post?
Exactly 4.55 minutes.

8. How do you keep up with the blogs you follow?
I follow no one. I am a leader, I am!

9. What is your bedtime?
I just asked my bed. He doesn’t know. I don’t know either. Now we’re having dual existential crises that will continue for an unspecified amount of time. THANKS, SURVEY.

10. Introvert or extrovert?
Sievert.

11. What is your biggest wish?
THE MOOOOOOOOOOOOON

12. What is the best job you ever had?
Granting sentience to paperclips.

14. If you had $1,000 to spend any way you wanted, what would you do with it?
I’d buy $1,000 worth of paperclips, grant half of them sentience, and then see what the sentient ones do with the non-sentient ones. Would they see them as gods? Insubordinates? Equals? Would they use them as paperclips?

15. How do you dress your toast?
With an appropriately-sized ascot.

16. How do you feel about snow?
It’s too warm.

17. What was the worst job you ever had?
Being an atomic bomb.

18. What song can you not stop listening to?
“You Can’t Stop Listening to This” by The Literal Titles

19. Love your name or hate it?
I’d take it on a date, but that’s about as far as we’d go.

20. How did you choose your blog/twitter handle?
I didn’t choose Eigenblogger. Eigenblogger chose me.

I don’t wanna deal with the snow.

UGH.

Have a survey.

What are you doing​ next weeke​nd?​​​​
Who the hell knows. I’ll probably run.

Is there​ anyon​e that you care more about​ than yours​elf?​​​​
Yes.

Three​ thing​s you’​​​​re excit​ed about​?​​​​
Going down to Moscow in the summer, having my mom come up here in the summer, and learning more French.

What are you liste​ning to at the momen​t?​​​​
Nothing right now, surprisingly.

Do you like to have long hair or short​ hair?​​​​
I look horrible with long hair, even though I like it. So short hair, I guess.

Do you want to cut your hair?​​​​
Nah.

Are you in a good mood?​​​​ If yes, Why?
Not really.

What does it mean when you’​​​​re being​ extre​mely quiet​?​​​​
I’m brooding. Or I’m just mad at someone.

When was the last time you wante​d to punch​ someo​ne in their​ face?​​​​
Over the summer, haha.

How many hours​ did you sleep​ last night​?​​​​
Like three.

What is wrong​ with you right​ now?
Everything, yo.

Did you ever waste​ too much time on a certa​in boy or girl?​​​​
Have…have you met me? Do you know the saga of Lead and how much time I wasted on that turd?

Are you slowl​y drift​ing away from someo​ne?​​​​
Nope.

Are you waiti​ng for somet​hing?​​​​
Kinda?

Do you watch​ “The Hills​”​​​​?​​​​
I don’t even know what that is.

Last CD you Playe​d?​​​​
Like, physical CD? Oh man. Um…whatever’s in the CD player of my boombox. Yes, I have a boombox.

What are you think​ing about​ right​ now?
The future.

Weari​ng any brace​lets?​​​​
I’m not a bracelet person, surprisingly.

What were you doing​ at midni​ght last night​?​​​​
Making dinner?

Have you ever gone to a beach​?​​​​
Yup.

What is your favor​ite flavo​r of ice cream​?​​​​
Oreo.

How long does it take you to get ready​?​​​​
How pressed for time am I? I can spend like 20 minutes doing eyeshadow/eyeliner and highlighter or I can slam my face into my foundation powder and run out the door.

What are you weari​ng?​​​​
Stuff.

does the futur​e make you nervo​us or excit​ed?​​​​
Nervous. We don’t have that much time left when it comes to a world that’s not horrible climate-wise.

When was the last time you smile​d?​​​​
I watched some Metalocalypse a bit ago.

Name 3 foods that you like that your mom doesn’t.
Tuna, radishes, …uh, I can’t think of a third one.

What flavor was the last popsicle you ate?
I don’t think I’ve ever had a popsicle.

Do you like mango?
PAPA LOVES MANGO
*danana da-na*
MAMA LOVES MANGO
*danana da-na*
(No, I don’t like mango.)

What was the last thing you got falsely accused of?
Pepper accuses me daily of not feeding her.

What was the last thing you ordered online?
Kinvaras. WHAT ELSE WOULD IT BE

Who was the last person you rode in a car with?
Nate.

Have you ever been kicked out of a store?
No, surprisingly.

Which major holiday is your birthday closest to?
My birthday is ON a holiday, dawg.

Do you use a sunlamp?
I used to, back when I had my computer on my computer desk at home. The light is still over there, but I have migrated to the dining room table thanks to COVID-induced online teaching. There’s not a good plug for the light over here.

When was the last time you cleaned your room?
I don’t have a room.

Do you feel like you accomplished anything today?
PFFFT.

Do you drink tea every day?
I used to, back in Vancouver. But not anymore.

What does caffeine do to you?
Nothing, really.

What’s a drink you have been loving lately?
I still dig water.

What was your favorite Starbucks drink last summer?
I haven never gotten a drink from Starbucks.

What is/was your favorite teen magazine?
I used to read CosmoGirl all the time, hahaha.

What were you almost named?
I would have been named Duncan had I been a boy. And I would have promptly thrown myself out the hospital window.

What would your name be if you had been born the opposite gender?
Hahahaha, see above. Everyone was sure I would be a boy.

Are you happy with your life right now?
Existence in general is horrible, so whatev.

Do you ever feel jealous of others?
Always.

When was the last time you had a fever?
Whenever I got my last COVID shot.

Do you normally get fevers when you’re sick?
I…think so? It’s been a long time since I’ve legitimately been sick.

Do you get the flu every year?
I’ve never had the flu.

Which symptom do you get more often when you’re sick: fever or vomiting?
Probably fever. Honestly, I really do get sick so infrequently that I can’t remember my typical symptoms.

What color hair would you have if you were a cartoon character?
Probably just black.

Would other people describe you as creative?
Maybe.

Do you trust all of your facebook friends?
Nope.

Have you ever had a facebook friend betray you?
Probably.

…a real-life friend betray you?
Yup.

What color are your slippers?
No slippies.

Would you rather paint or carve a pumpkin?
Carve.

What state do you want to visit next?
I’d go back to Idaho to visit my mom.

If you had to live in another country for a year, which country would it be?
United States! HAHAHA I GOT YOU THERE BITCHES

Do you have moments you wish you could erase from your memory?
There are things I’ve accidentally seen online that I would love to erase from my memory, yes.

Are you haunted by memories of stupid things you’ve said and done?
My existence is saying and doing stupid things, bruh.

Did you like high school or college better?
College. High school was ass.

Who was your favorite Olsen twin?
I don’t know enough about them to choose.

Are you part Irish?
Nope.

Do you ever listen to Celtic music?
Sometimes.

Which accent do you like best?
That weird midwestern Yooper accent is way more attractive than it has any right to be.

Tea or coffee?
Tea.

What show did you want to be on when you were younger?
Fear Factor, hahaha.

Have you ever won a spelling bee?
Probably not.

Were you one of the smartest in your class?
Depends on the year.

Do you think it’s unfair that people less intelligent than you make more money than you?
Of course not.

Do you know a lot of rich and spoiled and selfish people?
I’m sure I do.

Are you still waiting for the guy/girl of your dreams?
Married him, thanks!

Do you enjoy being single?
I’m not single.

Do you enjoy mornings?
Only if I’m running.

Have you ever been to jail?
Nope.

Have you ever feared going to jail or thought about what it would be like?
Nope.

What was your favorite book you had to read for school?
I think I technically had to read The Great Gatsby for school (we could pick Gatsby or some other book), so that one.

Do you stay up late?
Yup.

Will you let your kids have a youtube channel, do you think?
I will never have kids.

Have you ever owned a designer purse?
Nope.

Do you like the taste of Tums?
Never had them.

1. If you were trapped in a room with the person who asked this for 24 hours, what would you do? The answer cannot be romantic or sexual.
No one “asked” me this survey. I found it on my own. So if I were just trapped in a room by myself, I’d probably just sing and/or draw and/or dink around.

2. If you could learn any language instantly, what would it be?
Well, I’m trying to learn French right now, so…French.

3. If you could only read one book for the rest of your life, what would it be?
Bro, you know I’d choose The Caine Mutiny. I’ve read that many, many times and I still just absolutely love it.

4. Favorite song lyric?
In terms of personal meaning, it’s this part of Fun.’s “Some Nights”:

Well, that is it guys, that is all
Five minutes in and I’m bored again
Ten years of this, I’m not sure if anybody understands
This one is not for the folks at home
Sorry to leave, mom, I had to go
Who the fuck wants to die alone all dried up in the desert sun?

I came across this song during that very turbulent transition year of 2011, when I’d moved down to Tucson after getting my MA because WHAT THE HELL ELSE WAS I GOING TO DO

5. Favorite album?
There aren’t a lot of complete albums that I like in their entirety. I’m still pretty picky with my music, haha. But in terms of nostalgia, I’d probably pick either Ashlee Simpson’s Autobiography or Green Day’s American Idiot. I listened to both of these repeatedly near the end of high school/start of college.

6. Which time of day would you say is best for you work-wise?
Mid- to late-afternoon.

7. Favorite city that you’ve visited?
I remember really liking Stockholm, but I was also relatively young (early high school?) and don’t remember it as clearly as I’d like. So I’ll also say Vancouver. Hated grad school, hated the weather, but LOVED the city.

8. Favorite city that you haven’t visited?
I’d love to visit Paris. Or can McMurdo Station count as a city?

9. If you could donate $10,000 to charity, what charity would you pick?
Any charity that deals with cats. Maybe the MEOW Foundation.

10. What is one book you wish you could get all your friends to read?
THE CAINE MUTINY
I think everyone should read Lolita, if for no other reason than to be exposed to some of the most beautiful, intricate prose that exists. Nabokov is ridiculous.

11. What is one movie you wish you could get all your friends to watch?
Sunshine. Y’all need to watch Sunshine.

12. What do you think people assume about you from first glance?
That I’m weird. I’m a weirdo. I don’t fit in…and I don’t want to fit in.
(Sorry, I had to, hahahaha)
But yeah, based on how I dress, people probably think I’m weird.
Which I am.
But so are you.
SO ARE ALL OF YOU

13. If you could play any musical instrument, what would it be?
I can play basically every common wind instrument, but string instruments confound me. So…cello.

14. What is your favorite item of clothing?
I love my green palazzo pants.

15. Who was your first follower on your blog? Do they still follow you?
Either Aneel or E’raina, probably. I don’t think either one of them knows I still have this blog, haha.

16. If you could create one thing, what would it be?
A piece of writing that would change peoples’ lives.

17. Favorite superhero?
I’ve always liked Mr. Fantastic. But I’m also partial to the MCU’s Dr. Strange.

18. If you were to write an autobiography, what would you title it?
That’s basically what this blog is.

19. If you were to have a band, what would you call it?
Remember those dumb fake album covers I was making way back in like 2007? I think one of the fake bands was called “Technical Atmosphere.” Let’s go with that.

20. What is your favorite card/board game?
Scrabble!

21. What was the first IM service you used? Who was the first person you talked to on it?
MSN Messenger. I don’t remember the very first person I talked to, though.

22. If you could give a friendly hug to any one person, who would it be? Cannot be your romantic/sexual partner if you have one.
LEIBNIZ, DUH

23. Have you ever won any sort of contests? What kind?
I won a writing award in 6th grade, a few scholarships (do those count as contests?) and probably a few other things I can’t remember.

24. Who was the last person you hugged? Cannot be your romantic/sexual partner if you have one.
My mom.

25. If you could be skilled in any one activity, what would it be? Cannot be romantic or sexual.
Anything artsy. I’d love to be a really skilled writer, but I think I suck.

It’s a survey. Don’t get excited.

First Job:
Apprentice at Art Camp. “Apprentice” just meant that I did stuff like drove to Michael’s to buy canvases or oil pastels and cleaned up/set up the studio. And instead of getting paid, I got to do all the art for free!

First Real Job:
Wendy’s.

First Favorite Politician:
MILLARD FILLMORE!

First Car:
I’ve never had my own car, but the first car I drove (and the car I drove the most) was my mom’s Subaru. That poor car saw a lot of adventures.

First Record/CD:
I have no idea what the FIRST CD I bought was, but I remember CDs were expensive (like $15.99 at Hastings) and I always had to weigh the price versus the fact that any given CD would probably have at most three songs that I liked on it.

First Sport Played:
T-ball, haha.

First Concert:
OK Go.

First Foreign Country Visited:
Canada, technically. But since I live there now, it’s not really foreign, is it? So…England.

First Favorite TV Show:
I REALLY liked Talespin as a kid.

First Girlfriend/Boyfriend:
Like…MUTUAL, or…

First Encounter with a Famous Person:
I don’t think I’ve ever had an encounter with a famous person.

First Brush With Death:
Do my two childhood concussions count? Haha.

First House/Condo Owned:
I guess I technically jointly own this condo with Nate.

First Film Seen:
Pfft, I have no idea.

First Favorite Recording Artist:
Probably Sugar Ray. I always liked their music once I finally got into music (it took me longer than you’d think it would).

First Favorite Radio Station:
106.1 in Moscow!

First Book I Remember Reading:
Dr. Seuss’ A Fly Went By. I could read that forward, backward, and I think I  had it memorized, haha.

First Meme You Answered on Your Blog:
This! This was my first survey (I think), posted on September 27, 2006.

1. Do you like blue cheese?
GOD NO, it’s disgusting

2. Have you ever smoked cigarettes? If yes, how did you quit?
I have not. I need my lungs, preferably for the rest of my life.

3. Do you own a gun? How are your feelings about gun control/2nd Amendment rights?
I don’t own a gun. I’m fine with people owning hunting rifles and maybe even handguns, but I’m pretty sure the founding fathers weren’t anticipating the concept of a semiautomatic weapon when they drafted the 2nd Amendment.

4. What is your favorite flavor of water or liquor flavors?
I don’t get the whole flavored water thing. Why can’t you just drink plain old water? It’s good!

5. Do you get nervous before a doctor visit? Why?
I get nervous before EVERYTHING, but yes, especially doctor visits. I’ve had a lot of bad experiences with doctors, let’s just put it that way.

6. How do you like your hot dogs?
With lots of ketchup. And just barely cooked. Like, we’re talking slightly warmed.

7. Although it’s been asked a lot, tell us about a favorite movie that you haven’t shared before.
I’ve probably shared all my favorite movies on here at one point or another, haha. So let’s just pick one: Mystery Men. Very funny and very quotable.

8. What do you prefer to drink in the morning?
Water.

9. In a dating situation, have you ever misrepresented yourself to seem cooler or hipper? (Yes we know for most of you it was long ago…)
Probably, haha.

10. What’s your favorite piece of jewelry? Why?
My wedding ring. Apart from earrings, it’s my ONLY piece of jewelry, and is my favorite for the obvious reason that it’s from my husband. I’m too paranoid to wear it anywhere, though, so it sits in my earring box where it’s safe.

11. Favorite hobby? Tell us about it so we understand it.
Walking/running. I walk or run 16 miles a day (except for the weekly off-day) and it’s my time to think, daydream, imagine, and chill. The physical activity part is great, too.

12. Do you have A.D.D., or have you suspected it?
Nope.

13. What’s a thing you dislike or would change about yourself?
Everything. I’m a horrible human being.

14. Middle name? Like it or not?
It’s Marie. It’s boring because it’s so common, but it goes well with my first and last names.

15. Name three random thoughts you might have on this week:
1: it’s going to be a busy semester; 2: my toenail hurts; 3: nobody’s ever going to read this anyway so QUAGGA QUAGGA QUAGGA QUAGGA!!!!!

16. Name 3 drinks you regularly drink. Tell us a bit about them.
There’s not much to tell, haha. Water, chocolate milk, and…well, that’s it.

17. Current worry:
ASHA.

18. Current annoyance:
Everything.

19. Favorite place to be in the summer? Give us a wee bit more than “the beach”.
I’m fine staying home.

20. How do you usually ring in the new year? If forced (to do something new, what would it be?
I cry. For whatever reason I find the formal process of one year ending and another beginning to be very, very sad. It makes me hyper aware of how much it’s such a big deal to humans and yet we and our stupid calendar are completely meaningless in the grand scheme of things. If I had to do something new, I’d love to go to Times Square. Or at least, that used to be a want. Now with COVID I’d probably just want to stay away.

21. What have you done this summer that’s special? Pictures please.
It’s September, dawg. Summer’s over. I got to go back to Moscow for the first time since 2019, so that was nice.

22. Have you ever walked into a room with just shoes on?
I…don’t think so?

23. Have you ever gone to the “dark side”?
Probably.

24. What shirt are you wearing right now?
My 2021 Calgary Half Marathon shirt.

25. What’s important about a bed to you? Like type of sheets, size or whatever.
Bro, I do NOT care. I can sleep anywhere.

26. Can you sing?
I sing, but not well.

29. What songs do you sing in the shower?
I make up my own songs.

30. Favorite girl’s name?
I’ve always liked the name Jackie.

31. Favorite boy’s name?
I HAVE MANY but I dig the name Hugo quite a bit.

32. What’s in your pocket or purse right now?
I don’t have pockets OR a purse! TAKE THAT YOU SON OF A BITCH

33. Last thing that made you laugh?
My disproportionately angry response to the above question. Yes, I make myself laugh a lot. Nobody else likes my stupid jokes, so I overcompensate.

34. Best toy as a child?
Wrenchie, the dog toy that squeaked.

35. Worst injury you have ever had?
I don’t know if appendicitis counts as an “injury,” so let’s just say the injury that required an ambulance ride and an overnight stay at the hospital in Vancouver. And we’ll leave it at that.

36. Where would you love to live?
Antarctica. I’d still love to be a statistician at the McMurdo station. Fight me.

37. What type of TV do you have? Would you’d like an upgrade?
It’s the TV my mom got me before I moved to Vancouver. Having more HDMI ports would be nice, but other than that it’s a great TV.

39. How many dogs do you have?
None.

40. Do most folks trust you?
I have no idea.

41. What book are you reading?
I am PLODDING through The Adventures of Augie March. This is for two reasons: 1) I only read when I’m on the treadmill and the weather has been nice enough for me to be able to consistently be outside, and 2) I hate it.

42. What’s your favorite classic TV show?
Does Frasier count? If so, Frasier.

43. What’s your favorite sports team?
The Mets!

44. Favorite month and why?
February. We get Reading Week and my birthday’s in there, too.

I used to watch Sailor Moon fairly regularly.

Sailor Moon
[] You’re a Cancer.
[] You’re really quite short for your age (under 4’11” to 5’1″).
[] You are a hyperactive person.
[] Your weakness is cute boys/girls & junk food.
[X] You’re very emotional & always seem to be crying over something.
[] You have a black cat.
[] You hate school, & your least favorite subject is math.
[] You always seem to be late.
[X] You may be kind & loving, but you are very jealous.
[X] You try to do good.
Total: 3

Sailor Chibi Moon
[] You’re the youngest of your group of friends.
[] You have/had pink (in your) hair.
[X] Your hobbies are painting/drawing.
[X] You have a total sweet tooth.
[] Your favorite colors would be red & pink.
[] You’re typically childish & stubborn.
[] But you can be selfless, kind, trusting, & wise beyond your years.
[] You make friends very easily.
[] Your mother is very childish/not mother-like.
[] You wish you were from the future.
Total: 2

Sailor Mercury
[X] You love school & are quite good at it/You have no least favorite subject.
[X] You are always stressed out.
[] You love the color aquamarine.
[] You’re sign is a Virgo.
[] You have/had blue (in your) hair.
[X] You are quite shy, & find it hard to make friends.
[] You are always very kind & helpful towards everyone.
[] Your favorite sport is swimming.
[] Your mom is always working.
[] You want to be a doctor/nurse when you’re older.
Total: 3

Sailor Mars
[X] You have a bad temper.
[] You hate learning about more modern history (within the last 100 years).
[] Your dream job is to be a singer or model.
[] You have dated someone your friend had a crush on.
[] You have a friend you’re always fighting with.
[] You can run in high heels.
[] Your favorite color is red & black.
[] You love fortune-telling.
[] You used to be a complete loner, but now you are popular.
[] Your sign is an Aries.
Total: 1

Sailor Jupiter
[] You hate airplanes.
[] You’re a tomboy, but have a girly side.
[] You’ve always been taking care of yourself & are independent.
[X] You’re very strong-willed.
[] You’re a troublemaker, or so people think.
[] You’re one of the tallest of your group of friends.
[] Your sign is a Sagittarius.
[] You have an ex who you’re always thinking about since everything reminds you of them.
[] You have dated a lot of people.
[] You love cooking more than anything.
Total: 1

Sailor Venus
[X] You have a white cat.
[] Your favorite foods are Japanese foods.
[X] Your favorite colors are red & yellow.
[X] You love to exercise.
[] You are very cheerful person.
[] You love singing & want to be a singer when you’re older.
[] You’re good at almost any sport.
[X] You’re an only child.
[] Your sign is a Libra.
[] You would fake your own death.
Total: 4

Sailor Uranus
[X] You have short hair, enough to be mistake for a boy.
[] You love watching cars race or you race cars.
[X] Your sign is an Aquarius.
[] You’re into the same sex as yourself.
[X] You’re easily annoyed by people.
[] You have a very dry sense of humor.
[X] You enjoy running (track or cross country).
[] You have a girlfriend (or if you’re a boy, boyfriend).
[X] You love to confuse people.
[] You’re a huge flirt.
Total: 5

Sailor Neptune
[] You’re average height for your gender.
[] You’re very elegant & lady-like.
[] You are into the same sex as yourself.
[] You have a girlfriend (or if boy, boyfriend) that you just pretend is a good friend.
[] You are very selfless.
[] You’re a Pisces.
[] Your least favorite food is mushrooms.
[X] You love music more than anything.
[] You have/had green (in your) hair.
[X] You can play an instrument of some sort.
Total: 2

Sailor Pluto
[] You’re a Scorpio.
[] You want to be a fashion designer when you’re older.
[] Your favorite color is dark red.
[] You drink green tea.
[] You are not the best at playing music.
[] You are quite blunt with your statements.
[] You enjoy sewing & cooking.
[] You would be considered a loyal friend.
[] If you could have one superpower, it’d be to tell the future.
[] The bug you hate the most are cockroaches.
Total: 0

Sailor Saturn
[X] You are by far the shortest of your group of friends.
[] Milk disgusts you.
[X] You enjoy reading more than anything.
[] You hate working out because you’re considered weak.
[X] You’re an only child.
[X] You have very few friends.
[] You’re a Capricorn.
[X] You’re a very shy person.
[] You live with your father.
[] You care for others & appreciates sincere friendships.
Total: 5

A tie between Sailor Uranus and Sailor Saturn!

This blog post is brought to you by the first day of classes.

1. How has covid affected you?
I hate people even more now! Seriously. I am disappointed in so many of my friends who have just decided that this is not a serious thing anymore.

2. What is a comfort show of yours?
Frasier. Chicago Hope. Riverdale.

3. Are you open about your past or do you not let anyone in?
My past is on this blog, yo. Anyone can read it.

4. Favourite fast-food joint?
McDonald’s or (if it’s good) Cougar Country.

5. Do you think we were put on this earth for a reason?
No.

6. What is something you have done this year you’re proud of?
I submitted my tenure renewal thingy.

7. Do u ever feel like surveys are usually the same questions?
Lots of them are, but I’m liking this one’s variety thus far.

8. What were you doing 10 years ago?
Uhhhhhhhhhhhhh 2012? September 5 2012? I was teaching my very first semester at the U of I. I was also getting a BS in math at the same time because that’s how the U of I rolls.
If we want to be specific, let me check the blog archives.
*checks*
Who the hell knows, my blog post for that day is about anosmia, hahaha.

9. Do you call out Karen’s when they’re harassing a cashier?
I’ve never had the opportunity to.

10. Animal crossing , yay or nay?
Never played it and the character design bothers me.

11. Why do you like to do surveys?
FUN + blog content.

12. Did you ever have a MySpace ?
Bro, this blog originated on MySpace way back in 2006.

13. Do you think breaks are toxic in a relationship?
I don’t know. Never tried it.

14. Do you have a YouTube channel? If no, would you create one? If yes what’s your content?
I do, but it’s mostly just all my dumb videos that I link to here.

15. Are you a math person?
No. Which is absolutely hilarious because I teach math.

17. Have you ever befriended someone because you felt bad?
Kinda? In elementary school the new kid dropped a bunch of his books and stuff and no one helped, so I went over to help him and we kind of became friends.

18. Would you ever date someone online?
Nate and I met online.

19. Have you been ghosted before? Would you ghost someone?
Nope and nope.

20. When do you think things will be normal again?
Never.

21. Do you watch anime?
Nah.

22. Biggest goal you wanna reach before 2020 is over?
Editing goals.

23. How old did/do you turn this year?
34.

24. Do you like tiktok?
Sure.

25. Do you ever miss vine?
Haha, yes.

26. How are you doing, seriously?
Terribly. Not like anyone cares.

27. Is there someone you want to talk to but you know you can’t?
No.

28. Do you make jokes to cope with your problems?
Sometimes.

29. Have you ever had someone call you their best friend but you didn’t even consider them a close friend?
Hahaha, no.

30. Have you ever dealt with a pathological liar?
Possibly.

31. Long or short surveys?
Long.

32. If you’re in school, are you doing it on zoom or in class?
Not in school, but I’m teaching, of course. It’s all in person this semester.

33. Would you ever have a pet rat?
Eh.

34. Favourite memory with your best friend?
Anastasia and I got caught in this big muddy field once. We thought we were going to die. I lost a shoe.

35. Favourite type of content to watch on YouTube?
Documentaries.

36. Are you allergic to anything serious?
Nothing serious, no.

38. Do you think dreams mean anything?
Sure.

39. Fav clothing brand?
Whatever’s colorful.

40. Do you miss anyone?
My mom.

What is the closest grocery store to your house? 
Safeway.

When was the last time you colored with crayons? 
Man, it’s been a while. Colored pencils are another story, but I can’t remember the last time I used crayons.

Have you ever owned a plant? What was it?
Yes! I have a succulent right now. His name is Captain Planet.

Have you met anyone famous?
Nope.

What was the worst injury you have ever had? 
The most dangerous/life-threatening was probably that concussion I had when I was a kid. Which I then followed up with another concussion, haha. So yeah, that.

At thanksgiving dinner, what is the first thing you go for?
Mashed potatoes!

When you were a kid, who was your best pal? 
Anastasia.

Do you have any special talents?
I can touch my tongue to my nose. I can imitate voices. I can recite whole movies from memory.

Have you ever been to a nursing home?
I worked at a nursing home one summer. Kinda.

What kind of job did your mom have when you were growing up?
I don’t remember the technical name for it, but she worked at the U of I and did graphic design stuff and helped with my dad’s surveys that he was always sending out.

Have you ever known anyone that’s been on tv, including you?
Probably.

What was the most interesting animal you have seen in the wild?
A wolf?

What holiday do you enjoy the most?
Christmas.

What was the first video game you ever played? 
Either Cosmic Osmo or Doom.

What is the one thing you own, that if it got lost, you would be bummed? 
My iPod, because I don’t currently have my miles backed up yet.

Do you have a favorite breakfast item? 
Scrambled eggs!

What do you find yourself buying all the time? 
Broccoli. Clothes.

When was the last time you got a real letter in the mail? 
Christmas, haha.

Do you have a most prized piece of jewelry?
My wedding ring!

Do you own any board games? 
Yes!

What chore seems the most daunting right now? 
Hanging up my clothes. I hate hanging up my clothes.

Were you born in the state you live in? 
I don’t even live in a state right now, bro!

Have you ever lived in a house that has been broken into? 
Not that I’m aware of.

What is your favorite cheese?
Colby Jack!

Who do you know that watches the most sports? 
My mom!

A – Annoyance: People. Just…people.

B – Bestest Friend[s]: I don’t have any.

C – Car: Don’t have one.

D – Day or night: I’m a night owl, but I prefer the day.

E – Easiest person to talk to? Probably my mom or my husband.

F – Favorite Month: February.

G – Gummy Bears or Worms: Uhhhhhhhhhhhhh bears.

H – Hair Color: BLACKER THAN THE BLACKEST BLACK TIMES INFINITY

I – Ice Cream: Oreo.

J – Jewelry: Ostentatious earrings.

K – Kindergarten: Yes, that was a thing.

L – Longest Car Ride: Probably when Nate and I drove from Flagstaff to Idaho Falls. Though that drive from San Francisco to Las Vegas felt even longer.

M – Most missed person: Some of my friends from college.

N – Number of Siblings: ZERO!

O – One regret: Going to London, ON. Apart from seeing some landmarks across the US, there was nothing really beneficial that came out of going there. It was a waste of time and money and was super stressful.

P- Part of your appearance you like least? God, all of it. I am an ugly human being.

Q- Quote: “Become who you are.” I was that pretentious teen in high school who used that as their yearbook quote.

R – Reality TV Show: Top Chef!

S – Shoe: Saucony Kinvaras. There is no other shoe for me.

T – Time you woke up: Like 5-ish.

U – Unpredictable? Nah, I don’t think so.

V – Vegetable you hate: I like most vegetables. Can I count tomato, even though it’s technically a fruit?

W- Worst Habits: Bro, let’s not go there.  

X – X-Rays: I think I had one on my leg when we were worried I had a hairline fracture in my (let’s see if I can remember the name of this bone without looking it up) tibia? Yeah, tibia!

Y – Year you were born: 1988.

Z – Zoom: UGH.

(title has nothing to do with blog, as per usual)

1. Have you ever tried to learn (or re-learn) a foreign language as an adult? Which one? What worked for you?
I’m trying to learn French right now. I hate that I didn’t have the guts to try to take a language in high school/college. It’s also pretty sad that I have FIVE COLLEGE DEGREES and not one of them required even a semester of language. Not even philosophy. Not. Even. Philosophy.

2. Do you donate blood? Do you know your blood type?
I’m O+ I’m pretty sure, but I’ve never donated blood. I wanted to in high school, but I was “profoundly anemic” and couldn’t.

3. Have you ever been in a play or musical?
Yes! I was in all of St. Mary’s all-school spring and Christmas musicals, but I don’t know if they count. I was Violet’s mom in our fifth (fourth?) grade “Charlie and the Chocolate Factory” play. I was the waitress Gina in our eighth grade “Chateau La Roache.” I was the housekeeper (I think?) in our high school drama play of…uh, that Ayn Rand play. The courtroom one. I can’t remember the name and I can’t be bothered to look it up because Ayn Rand.

4. Do you use certain text or ring tones for specific people? Who gets their own? Or do you just use the default on your phone?
I downloaded the old ICQ “uh-oh!” sound and I use that for my text tone for everyone now.

5. When did you get your first digital camera? Do you still shoot on actual film, or all digital now?
I still have my digital camera, but I can’t remember when I got it. I just use my phone now.

6. What do you think someone else would say the most daring thing you’ve done is?
Probably sky diving, but THEY HAVE NO IDEA

7. Do you talk with your hands?
Yup.

8. Do you have a lucky number? What is it, and what is the story behind it?
I dig 11, but any number with repeating digits seems to find its way into my life.

9. What kind of milk did you drink, growing up? And now?
Skim at my mom’s, 2% at my dad’s. When I drink milk now (which is rare) it’s 1%. Or chocolate.

10. What is your favorite kind of pie?
Not a big fan of pie.

11. Are you a note taker?
Yup. I doodle a lot too.

12. Do you have an eclectic mug collection, or is your stuff all matchy matchy?
I have a Black Mesa mug and a Chinese zodiac dragon mug. Both are used to hold pens.

13. Do you have a junk drawer in your house/garage/at work/wherever?
Not really.

14. What is the longest amount of time you’ve worked at one job – and what was/is it?
Current job! Since 2016.

15. How old were you when you took your first commercial flight? To where did you fly?
I was pretty much a baby. Probably St. Louis.

Let’s go.

1. Tell us about something that made you laugh last night.
Pepper. She’s a constant source of amusement.

2. What were you doing at 8 PM last night?
Getting ready to help Nate with dinner.

3. What were you doing 30 minutes ago?
Working on my teaching dossier.

4. What happened to you in 2006? (Feel free to republish an old post from ’06.)
I graduated high school! And started at the U of I. And got my wisdom teeth taken out. And went on a cruise to Alaska. AND STARTED THIS BLOG!

5. What was the last thing you said out loud?
Pfft. I don’t listen to what I say.

6. How many beverages did you have today?
Uh…I’ve had a few glasses of water I think?

7. What color is your hairbrush?
I don’t have a brush. Just a comb. It’s black.

8. What was the last thing you paid for?
Groceries, haha.

9. Where were you last night?
Hanging out at home. Missing my mom.

10. What color is your front door?
White.

11. Where do you keep your change?
Freaking everywhere, man.

12. What’s the weather like today?
Hot, but not “heat dome” hot.

13. What’s the best ice-cream flavor?
Oreo.

14. What excites you?
Running. Frisson-inducing music. Writing. Really cool clouds or cloud patterns. The thought of death.

15. Do you want to cut your hair?
My hair NEEDS to be cut by a professional. It’s been two years now.

16. Are you over the age of 35?
Not yet!

17. Do you talk a lot?
Probably more than I should. Like I said above, I don’t even listen to what I say.

18. Do you watch Franklin and Bash?
Nope.

19. Do you know anyone named Steven?
I know a “Steve.”

20. Do you make up your own words?
Not intentionally.

21. Are you a jealous person?
Highly.

22. What does the last text message you received say?
“Hahaha.”

23. Where’s the next place you’re going to?
The…living room?

24. Who’s the rudest person in your life?
I SHALL NOT SAY

25. Are you crushing on anyone that you shouldn’t be?
Hahaha. Are we in high school?

(dumb title.)

1. Have you ever had chicken pox?
Yup. Got it around the typical age, probably.

2. Have you ever shopped in Home Depot?
Yup! There’s a Home Depot up by North Hill Mall. We go there for our various condo-improving items, such as furnace stuff and heat film for the windows.

3. Have you ever spied on your neighbors?
Just through the window, haha. I like looking across the way. Plus they have cats, so, like, who could blame me?

4. Have you ever ridden in a limo?
I…don’t think so?

5. Have you ever had a pet fish?
A few. My first one was called Davis Love III. He was a betta and he lived quite some time if I’m remembering correctly.

6. Have you ever lied about your age?
I don’t think so. Not intentionally.

7. Have you ever fired a gun?
Yup. Sports Camp.

8. Have you ever been ice skating?
Yes, but not in a long time. I used to ice skate a lot back in high school and my first few years of college. I distinctly remember lots of Avril Lavigne on 106.1 while I skated in the Moscow Ice Rink, and I remember reading while they Zamboni’d.

9. Have you ever played golf?
Just mini, but I sucked at it. 

10. Have you ever hidden on Halloween because you had no candy for trick or treaters?
The candy is mine. Go away.

11. Have you ever made a prank call?
No, surprisingly.

12. Have you ever gotten a tattoo?
Nope. I still haven’t found a way to display any of my passions in a way that would work well enough to have it permanently etched on my body.

13. Have you ever had a massage?
Don’t like them. I don’t like people touching my back, especially.

14. Have you ever locked your keys in the car?
Nope.

15. Have you ever ridden a horse?
Probably, but ugh. Horses are terrifying.

16. Have you ever been to the circus?
Once in California.

17. Have you ever been to Europe?
Yup! I went to London, Stockholm, and Helsinki back in…2003? 2004?

18. Have you ever built a fire?
Like…circa 2005 Pyro Claudia style? Or like…a campfire?

19. Have you ever been skydiving?
YES! AND I’D DO IT AGAIN

20. Have you ever bought something at a garage sale?
Yes, but it’s been a LONG time.

21. Have you ever walked in on someone having sex?
Nope. But I was able to hear my roommates through the wall every time.

22. Have you ever faked an injury to get out of something?
There was one time in elementary school that I pretended to be sick so that I didn’t have to participate in Valentine’s Day activities, but other than that, I can’t think of anything.

23. Have you ever been to a nude beach?
Ew, no.

24. Have you ever received a speeding ticket?
Nope.

25. Have you ever run a marathon?
Unfortunately not. I run 15 miles three times a week, though. My maximum running distance has been 20 miles.

(It’s just a survey, sorry. No actual Beefaroni is contained in this blog.)

1. What is the craziest, most outrageous thing you want to achieve? 
I’d love to win a Pulitzer.

2. Have your parents influenced what goals you have? 
Probably to an extent. I’m pretty sure at least part of the reason I stayed in academia career-wise is because of both of my parents working at the U of I, and given the fact that both my dad and his mom were/are teachers, there might be just some general influence to become an educator.

3. What is a fashion trend you’re glad went away. 
I don’t know if it’s gone away yet, but the prevalence of “yoga pants as everyday pants” seems to have diminished a bit.

4. What word or saying from the past do you think should come back? 
I’ve always liked “hurry up, you’re burning daylight” just because of the mental image of daylight catching on fire.

5. What do you bring with you everywhere you go? 
My iPod. My external hard drive + miscellaneous USBs. Self-hatred.

6. Is there such a thing as a soul? 
I don’t think so, no.

7. Is there life after death? 
Not in the way that we usually consider “life.” I think all matter is conscious to some degree and that consciousness never actually goes away; it just gets redistributed amongst the things in the universe. 

8. Do you think there will ever be a third world war? 
Probably.

9. What smell brings back great memories? 
BITCH WHY

10. How would you like to be remembered? 
See #1.

11. What kind of music are you into? 
Anything with a good beat. I don’t discriminate.

12. What is the biggest surprise of your life? 
Probably my career choice. Math AND public speaking/teaching? No way.

13. If you could eat only one thing for the rest of your life, what would it be? 
If health needs to be considered, broccoli. If not, chocolate.

14. Where is the most awe inspiring place you have been? 
I don’t know if this counts as awe-inspiring, but one of the most serene and uplifting places I’ve been is just running along the river path on a cold but sunny winter day when there’s snow everywhere. Everything is kind of hushed and crisp and it’s easy to get lost in just being outside.

15. Describe your life in six words.
Busy, anticipating, goal-driven, long, short, odd.

HOLY FREAKING CRAP SPACKLE IT’S A SURVEY OMFG I NEVER DO SURVEYS

(Let’s go)

📱 Show your phone lock screen and/or home screen
My lock screen. It’s Leibniz. It’s. Always. Leibniz.

💕 Your two top fave fictional characters
OH GOD THIS IS HARD um…let’s stick with characters from books because I don’t know if I could mix book and movie favs.
So…um…(this is still hard)…uhhhhhhhhhhhhhh…Captain Queeg, and…um…GOD I DON’T KNOW IT’S EITHER PHILEAS FOGG OR JAY GATSBY OR CAPTAIN W. F. CALL I DON’T FREAKING KNOW THESE SURVEYS AREN’T SUPPOSED TO CAUSE MENTAL ANGUISH GODDAMMIT

🕹 Video game you are currently playing
I am perpetually playing Quake. Because I love it and have loved it since first grade.

🌡 Fave season
Technically it’s summer, but thanks to climate change I now live in fear of summers (especially due to last year). So I dunno anymore.

🏫 Are you in school, what grade
NOPE

 🎒 Are you in college, major area of study
NOPE (but I studied psychology, philosophy, statistics, and math)

🏢 Your job (You don’t have to be specific) or dream job if you don’t work
I teach math and stats at a university. It’s the best damn job ever.

📷 Post the 12th photo from your phone’s gallery
Bro I have like 4,000 pictures on my phone and you want me to go find the twelfth one? Ugh. Fine.
It’s a support of the Stoney Trail Bridge above Bowness Park. It’s super cool.

📅 Your birthday
Groundhog Day

🎂 How old are you
AN OLD FART

📏 How tall are you
A SHORT FART

🔑 Key to your heart
FARTS
Don’t be a tool. Like cats. Be okay with me obsessing over stupid stuff. Obsess over your own stupid stuff.

📖 Fave book
The Caine Mutiny. I absolutely love that book. More people need to read it.

📝 Fave quote
Don’t know if I have one.

🌐 Languages you can speak and/or are learning. Which are you fluent in
I’m fluent in ‘Murica and I’m trying to learn French.

💻 Desktop/Laptop/iPad/other
Like…what I own? A desktop, a laptop, and a super old iPad from 2012.

📔 Do you keep a traditional diary
I keep a blog like an adult, thank you very much.

☠ Something that angers you
OH MY GOD SO MANY THINGS

🐷 Junk food you can never get enough of
I love those little mini Reese’s peanut butter cups.

🌼 Fave flower
Don’t have one. Sunflowers?

📺 Fave anime
Don’t have one.

🎥 Fave film
Sunshine.

📻 Fave song currently
Blinding Lights has been my jam for like three years now, but I always love Sleepyhead.

🎙 Can you sing
HA

🎁 Best gift you ever received and why
Probably Rock Band 2 for my 21st birthday. It was completely unexpected and it was gifted during the year that my roomies and I were OBSESSED with Rock Band.

👾 Do you believe in aliens
Sure.

👻 Do you believe in ghosts
Maybe?

⛪ What is your religion
No religion.

🌎 What country do you live in
CANADIA!

📸 Post a selfie
No.

What did you dissect in high school?
Cow eyeballs, cow lungs, sheep brains. We did a squid in elementary school.

In what non-bathroom places have you relieved yourself?
I have two designated peeing bushes on my walking routes. That’s what happens when they take the porta-potties away in the winter.

When you first understood the concept of sexual intercourse, what did you think of it?
I don’t remember. That was also elementary school. We were just probably taught that it was a SIN unless it was between two married people who were doing it to procreate.

If you’re a neat person, what’s something you’re messy about? If you’re a messy person, what’s something you’re neat about?
I don’t know which one I am. My stuff is either 100% messy or 100% clean. I don’t like anything in between.

What did you like best about high school geometry (the subject, not the teacher, classmates, or whatever)?
I actually really liked doing the proofs. They were fun. My teacher (Mrs. Loomis) was also pretty great.

What item at a salad bar gets you the most excited?
Olives are pretty freaking great.

Do some brands of bottled water taste better than others?
Most bottled waters taste the same to me. There’s one brand that tastes really “flat” with a bad aftertaste, but I can’t remember the brand off the top of my head.

If you could be employed in one of the technical jobs in film-making, what would you choose?
Does editing count? I’d love to be the editor.

How do you feel about couples (married or dating) having joint email accounts or joint Facebook accounts?
Eh. The thing that bugs me the most about couples on Facebook is when couples post daily “I luv my partner lol” posts. It always strikes me as contrived, with the goal being mainly to show off and/or get people to praise them. It’s great that you love your partner, but…why not just tell them that in private instead of needing to brag about it all the time?

Which character from The Wizard of Oz do you best relate to?
Tin Man, probably.

SHOCK! A survey. Are you SHOCKED?

1. Is there someone you’d like to be kissing right now?
If there was anyone, it’d be my husband. But I don’t feel like the kissy kissy at the moment.

2. When you’re being extremely quiet, what does it mean?
I’m absorbed in a selected one of my nine or ten fantasy daydreams where everything is as fantastic as I want it to be.
Or I’m sad.
Or I’m angry.
One of the above.

3. What are you listening to right now?
The wind outside.

4. Are you a big fan of thunderstorms?
I LOVE thunderstorms. We get so many of them up here in ‘Berta. We never got them in Moscow very often.

5. Do you believe in perfect?
I believe in the subjectiveness of perfection.

6. Are you a jealous person?
Yes. Not going to deny it.

7. What was the first thing you thought this morning?
“KIIIIIIIIIIIILL MEEEEEEEEEEE”

8. What do you think about when you are falling asleep?
Bro, I fall asleep in like a nanosecond. I go into REM sleep immediately. No time for conscious thought.

9. Are you satisfied with what you have in life?
Sure.

10. Do people ever think that you’re either older or younger than you actually are?
A few years ago I was walking by one of the high schools here in town. It was under construction and the whole front was blocked off. An older lady passing the other direction asked me if I went to the school and what was being done to it. I was over 30 at the time, so…

11. Do you think men truly understand women?
Nobody understands anyone, man.

12. How about women understanding men?
See above.

13. Did anybody ever call you handsome or beautiful?
Nate does, but I think that’s just out of obligation. I am NOT beautiful.

14. What is one fact about the last person that called you?
She is the best mom in the world! Yes, that is a fact, haha.

15. Other than your current one, tell us about the longest relationship you have had either a romance or a particular good friend.
In terms of romantic relationships, my longest one was probably with Aaron. Nine months. Not very long, hahaha.

A thing. WHY NOT

Last Year
[  ] Was way better than this year
[  ] I had a different boyfriend then I have now
[  ] I had a different hair color
[  ] I dated last year but not this year
[  ] I had more friends
[X] I wasn’t in High School
[X] I wasn’t in Middle School
[  ] I had a blast

5 Years Ago
[  ] Things were so easy
[  ] Everyone was each others friends
[X] There was so much drama
[  ] A lot of people bugged me
[  ] I was in High School
[  ] I was in Middle School
[  ] I was in Elementary School
[  ] I was in College
[  ] I didn’t have a cell phone

10 Years Ago
[  ] I wasn’t alive
[  ] I hadn’t started school
[X] I just started school [again, technically, haha]
[  ] I was in Elementary School
[  ] I was in Middle School
[  ] I was in High School
[X] I was in College
[  ] I was too young to remember anything
[  ] I miss my old friends
[  ] Someone I love passed away

Things I Miss
[X] My childhood
[X] The way things used to be
[X] A loved one
[X] A pet
[  ] A material possession
[  ] A T.V. Show
[X] My old friends
[X] Someone who has passed away
[  ] When there was all the time in the world
[  ] When I could talk to my parents about anything

I’m bored.

IT’S ANOTHER SURVEY SCREW IT

TEN THINGS YOU CAN TOUCH RIGHT NOW
1. My monitor
2. My cup of water
3. My phone
4. The chair next to me
5. THE SENNHEISERS
6. Like twenty half-empty boxes of penne pasta
7. Like twenty half-empty bags of spaghetti
8. Some notebooks
9. A pile of masks
10. My tablet

TEN THINGS YOU HAVE DONE THIS WEEK
1. Ran
2. Walked
3. Worked on my story
4. Procrastinated posting these blogs
5. Felt like trash
6. Looked like trash
7. Had chocolate
8. Had broccoli
9. Cried
10. Wondered if we’ll ever get back to normal

TEN THINGS YOU LOVE
1. Leibniz
2. Running
3. Writing a really satisfying sentence or paragraph
4. Cats
5. Frisson
6. My ten or so fantasies I use to occupy my thoughts
7. A certain memory that I shall never speak of but will always treasure
8. Walking
9. Husband
10. Mom

TEN BANDS/ARTISTS YOU LOVE
1. Coldplay
2. Muse
3. VOCES8
4. Hans Zimmer (he totally counts)
5. James Horner (he totally counts too)
6. Sugar Ray
7. WALK THE MOON
8. Barenaked Ladies
9. Lady Gaga
10. Weezer

TEN ITEMS THAT YOU FIND IN YOUR PURSE
(I don’t have a purse, so I’ll use my backpack instead)
1. My bag o’ USBs (don’t ask)
2. Swiss army knife
3. Wallet
4. Phone
5. Pen
6. Masks aplenty
7. Hand sanitizer
8. Headphones
9. A folder full of all sorts of random papers
10. Gloves. Yes, even in summer. YOU NEVER KNOW\

TEN THINGS YOU LIKE DOING IN YOUR FREE TIME
1. Writing
2. Blogging (it’s different than writing, fight me)
3. Walking
4. Running
5. Drawing
6. Listening to music
7. Watching/reading dumb stuff on the internet
8. Playing Quake
9. Sorting stuff
10. Fantasizing

TEN TRAITS YOU FIND ATTRACTIVE IN THE OPPOSITE SEX
(I’m going to mix physical and mental/personality because I can)
1. Kindness to animals, especially cats
2. Intelligence
3. An unusual-shaped nose
4. Some sort of hobby they’re obsessed with
5. Doesn’t want kids or want anything to do with kids. Yes, I’m that kind of person.
6. Blue eyes. Or super deep brown eyes.
7. Is cool with me disappearing on a 4- or 5- hour walk/run every day. Or wants to go with me.
8. Compatible sense of humor
9. Nice stomach
10. Be weird. Weird rocks.

Functions

What are you holding your breath in anticipation of?
Going back down to Moscow for the first time since 2019. That’s way too long.

What most recently gave you goosebumps?
This song. This wonderful, wonderful song.

What’s giving you that pain in the neck?
Existence.

What’s making your heart ache?
A certain thing that I’m not going to mention.

What are you yawning at?
Nothing, really.

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Space

Of all the spaces in your residence, which is most powerfully your space?
I don’t really have one. I guess my area is the corner behind the dining room table, but I don’t really have a space that’s just my own.

What’s the most spacious space in your everyday life?
Uh…outside?

What’s a good song about space?
Supermassive Black Hole!

What’s under your bed?
Towels. Cat hair (Jazzy hair mostly). Probably toy mice.

What are your thoughts on typing one or two spaces after sentences?
I learned to only type one space.

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Makin’ It

What skill seems like it would be really fun to learn?
Something artistic, like being able to draw or paint really well.

Which of the winter Olympic sports would you love to compete in?
Speed skating!

What fun craft did you make when you were a kid, in school or at camp or somewhere else?
I don’t know if this counts, but when I was in elementary school I used to make life-size people out of paper. They had skeletons and digestive systems and everything.

If everyone in the world is the best in the world at some very specific thing, what are you most likely the best at?
Being worthless.

What’s something you own that was handmade by someone you know?
I don’t think I have anything from someone I know personally, but I have a hat that was handmade by the people who own that craft barn thingy on the way to Lewiston.

Read the title.

What was the name of your college’s sports teams, and what did you think of that name?
The Vandals. It’s a pretty good name.

What was your favorite thing about your college specifically?
Apart from marching band? The rec center. U of I has the best rec center I’ve seen for a college. If COVID is miraculously gone by the time I get to visit Moscow again, I’d love to spend some time there.

What was your least favorite thing about your college specifically?
Apart from the many, many layers of incompetence at the administration level? I’m still pissed that they denied my petition to take 28 credits one semester. Like…I petitioned to take 25 (nine classes) and they were like “lol sure.” So I did it, got a 4.0, and petitioned for 28. They were like “lol nope get a life nerd.” Really?

OH WAIT I LIED I just thought of something that is definitely my least favorite (and is even more petty). The U of I had a plaque in the SU building for people who had completed their degrees with a 4.0 GPA. I finished my degree with a 4.0 GPA. But they didn’t put me on the plaque because they said that people who had gotten college credit from high school didn’t count. And I say 1) what the fuck kind of rule is that, and 2) one of my friends from high school got on the plaque and I know for a fact that she had some college credits from high school, so why does she get to be on there and not me?

(Petty? I DON’T CARE I WORKED HARD FOR THAT 4.0 AND I DID IT IN 2.5 YEARS)

Where was the best place on your college campus (or near campus) to get lunch?
Subway was close and tasty. Pita Pit was also good when it was there. I never personally went to that campus dining thingy in TLC, but I spend all my flex dollars there to buy my buddies snackies, haha.

Where was the best place on your college campus to spend time alone with someone?
I had a date in the Fish Bowl once. It was open 24 hours when it was there, so we just kind of stayed the night.

Which of your college sports teams was the most competitive? Which was the least?
I have no idea which sport was most competitive. Basketball? It certainly wasn’t football, haha. Holy hell.

What organizations did you belong to on your college campus, or what campus jobs did you have?
I was in Psi Chi (the psych student honor society) for like a semester before I was like “screw this, I’m busy with other stuff.” Is marching band an organization? I technically worked on campus over the summer of 2008 (cleaning) and then, of course, again when I taught from 2012-2014.

What was the best thing you could get from a vending machine on your college campus?
I only ever got candy.

What’s something you did in college that your parents would have disapproved of?
Not sure. I never did anything too crazy.

If you HAD to pick one, which of your college instructors was the hottest?
Dr. Cannon was pretty freaking cute. Philosophy. But he also introduced me to Leibniz, so maybe some of Leibniz’ residual hotness rubbed off on him.

OH GOD NOW I HAVE TO CLEAN IT UP

What is on your bed right now? 
Uhhhhhhhhhh…bed stuff? Pillows, blankets, etc. And lots of cat hair.

What’s your favorite word or phrase? 
My favorite word/phrase to say or my favorite word/phrase in general? In general, my favorite word is syzygy and my favorite phrase is the wonderful palindrome “Massive Levis, Sam!”

What is the best ice cream flavor? 
Oreo.

Did you wake up smiling this morning?
 
HA. Never. The planet is doomed and I am almost always sad about something or other, so…yeah.

Is there something in your life you used to have, and now miss? 
This is super random and specific, but back in…first grade?…I wrote a “book” called “A Coo’s Story.” I gave it to a friend who then moved away and I never saw her or the book again. I’d love to have both of them back in my life.

What major company would you like to work for? 
It’s not a company, but I’d love to work for Statistics Canada. I remember I used to want to work for the Census Bureau, too.

What time do you wake up on a typical morning? 
It varies quite a bit. Right now I don’t get up super early because it’s too cold to walk/run early in the morning and I don’t teach until late. But in the summer (or if my teaching schedule demands it) I can get up as early as 4:30 to go running or walking.

What holiday makes you sad? 
New Year’s. New Year’s is so freaking depressing for too many reasons to list here.

Where does a good night’s sleep rank on your priorities? 
PFFT. Am I asleep? Then it’s a good night’s sleep. Did I sleep for more than 3 hours? Then it’s a good night’s sleep. I don’t need much to feel rested, so it’s not really a huge priority.

One song that makes you cry? 
Mary Chapin Carpenter’s “10,000 Miles” is the saddest goddamn song, bro.  

How old was your mom when she had you? 
30.

When is the last time you went to the beach? 
Oh god. Probably when Nate and I did our west coast road trip back in 2015. We stood in the ocean on the Oregon coast and froze our feet in the ocean.

What is the most random object around you? 
A sponge.

What is your favorite sushi? 
Man, I haven’t had sushi in FOREVER. Maddie, remember when we went to that really good sushi restaurant by my old place in Vancouver that time you came up and visited back in 2010? I can’t remember what type(s) we got, but I liked it.

What food do you find disgusting? 
Hahaha. There are too many to list or to categorize. I’m fairly picky.

If you could have any type of dog in the world, what would it be? 
Not a dog person. Gimme cats.

What was the last meal that you made for yourself? 
Spaghetti!

Is the hard drive on your computer full or getting close to being full? 
Getting close, actually, yes.

Are there any songs that you prefer the acoustic version over the regular version? 
Probably, but I can’t think of any off the top of my head.

I think I’ve done this one before…but maybe not.

Either way, let’s do it now.

1. Do you prefer hardcover, paperback, or Kindle…and why?
I love my Kindle. I never thought I’d be the e-reader type, but OH MY GOD it makes it so much easier to a) access books and b) read them while on the treadmill. What more could I want?

2. If I were to own a book shop I would call it …
Probably something boring. I’d probably just stock classics, ‘cause that’s my jam and I’d like other people who are like me to have a place to just browse the types of books they like. So something involving classics?

3. My favorite quote from a book (mention the title) is …
From Potok’s The Chosen:

“Human beings do not live forever, Reuven. We live less than the time it takes to blink an eye, if we measure our lives against eternity. So it may be asked what value is there to a human life. There is so much pain in the world. What does it mean to have to suffer so much if our lives are nothing more than the blink of an eye? … I learned a long time ago, Reuven, that a blink of an eye in itself is nothing. But the eye that blinks, that is something. A span of life is nothing. But the man who lives that span, he is something. He can fill that tiny span with meaning, so its quality is immeasurable though its quantity may be insignificant.”

4. The author (alive or dead) I would love to have lunch with would be …
I’d love to meet Nabokov. He seems like such a brilliant human being.

5. If I was going to a deserted island and could only bring one book, except for the SAS survival guide, it would be …
The Caine Mutiny. I could re-read that every day and still love it.

6. I would love someone to invent a bookish gadget that …
Would instantly translate any non-English phrases. Obviously one could do that by Googling or otherwise, but some books (I’m looking at you, Lolita) have non-English phrases all over the place; having something that would very quickly and easily translate them (and do so appropriately and accurately) would be great for us unilingual losers.

7. The smell of an old book reminds me of …
The fact that I CANNOT SMELL

8. If I could be the lead character in a book (mention the title), it would be …
Phileas Fogg, yo (Around the World in Eighty Days)

9. The most over-rated book of all time is…
To Kill a Mockingbird. I cannot stand that book!

10. I hate it when a book…
Has a bad ending. By that I mean an ending that just lets you down. I want to feel like the book has been building towards something important. Something that will stick with me. If I don’t get that, it makes the whole experience of reading the book a hollow one.