In Soviet Russia, handle flies off YOU!
So…the whole “is the glass half-empty or half-full” question bugs the hell out of me, and here’s why: every time I’m asked that question, I desire to answer it based on the glass’ function. That is, I want to answer it by asking myself, “what is the purpose of a glass?”
What the hell do I mean? Well, let’s take another example.
Here I have a pen (not really, but just humor me). The pen’s purpose—its “human-granted teleology”—is to write. Yes, there could be other interpretations of this quite easily (a pen is for holding, a pen is for conveying information, a pen is for doodling boobies when you’re bored in stats, etc.), but let’s just stick with the obvious, okay?
So the pen’s purpose is to write. Therefore, if someone were to ask me “is this pen’s ink-chamber-thingy half-full or half-empty?” I would respond with what the state of the ink-chamber-thingy would be after the pen had performed half of its purpose (assuming it held a full chamber-thingy at its manufacture, you never know these days). The chamber-thingy would, then, be half-empty.
Of course, you could look at the same question a different way, now that I look back and realize I specified the ink chamber inside the pen and not the pen itself. What is the purpose of the ink chamber? Certainly not to write (that’s the pen’s job). To hold ink? If so, then it is half-full, as when it began its little journey to completing its teleological purpose (holding a full chamber of ink), it was entirely empty.
Now that I’ve contradicted my argument (BUT NOT MY POINT), let’s look at the glass. If you think that the purpose of a glass is to hold liquid, then you would say that the glass is half-full, right? Since at the beginning of its teleological journey, the glass is empty.
But suppose you say, “you’re an idiot, the purpose of a glass is to be drank from,” then it seems natural to say that the glass is now half-empty, since a glass, in order to be drank from, must contain some amount of liquid, and since trying to drink out of an already-empty glass is dumb.
Does that make any sense? Any sense at all? Do I belabor everything way too much? I believe this discussion could carry on further into the metaphysical realm (“but what if the teleology of the ink chamber is to be empty in order to later hold ink?!”) and ultimately into “what’s the teleological purpose of PEOPLE, OMG?” but I’m hungry and I want instant mashed potatoes like none other, so I’m going to go make some.
Whisper me sweet nothings and I’ll beat you over the head with this tuning fork!
So apparently, I’m like the only person who had a good day today. But you know what? Screw it, I haven’t had a good day in weeks. I get this moment!
So rejoice! Here are reasons why today was good:
I love my philosophy teacher. He’s just such a philosophy teacher. His hair’s always messed up, all his long-sleeve shirts are almost worn through at the elbows, and his pants are always, like, two inches too short. I think he knows this, though, because 98% of the time his socks are color-coordinated with his shirt. The coolness factor of that alone makes me long to be a philosophy major, so there’s not much more I can say.
The lights went off in band! The lights went off in band!
I am an essay machine. Seriously, I think I should start selling these bad boys on the internet with really ambiguous and downright naughty titles. Like my essay on Freud’s The Interpretation of Dreams could be entitled The Phallus in the Rough: Oh It’s There, You Just Have to Find It.
I have an A in math. And no, you don’t have to go check, I already have—hell has indeed frozen over.
Actually, I have an A in everything.
As I explained briefly to Matt earlier, today I feel this overwhelming, unbridled love for all humanity that I haven’t felt for weeks—hell, months. It must be the Aquarian in me.
I’ve declared that I shall be giving free lap dances to whomsoever inquires until this mood subsides. And hey, who knows when that will be, so best get crackin’!
Claude tried out his new outfit in full tonight. He looks smokin’.
Occam’s Razor seems to have lost its edge
“When life gives you lemons, take off your pants”
I’m going to give this “optimism” thing a shot by looking at all the good things that happened today.
1. Matt’s profile song made me smile. Then dance. Then smile while dancing. And then I almost missed Geography because I was dancing too long.
2. Maggie, the tiara freaking fits my head. How sad is that?!
3. I love my Philosophy class. The content rocks and my teacher reminds me of Sean.
4. And speaking of Sean (I’m such a loser)…
(he’s trying to get me to game with him and he’s talking about ones he’d start me out on)
Sean says: ok, Oblivion it is
Sean says: actually, maybe it’d be better to start with Fable
Sean says: smaller, more linear
Sean says: not so overwhelming to your non-L337 mind
Without an Absolute, I Can Be Absolutely Fine says: You don’t think I’m L337?
Sean says: you’re not a gamer, and I’ve never seen you hack, so I assume you’re not L337
Sean says: I suppose you could be, but I don’t see how if you haven’t even heard of Oblivion…
Without an Absolute, I Can Be Absolutely Fine says: Can you be L337 in anything else?
Sean says: only if it involves computers…
Without an Absolute, I Can Be Absolutely Fine says: PowerPoint!
5. Then, of course, Nick gives me a compliment in his own weird little way :
Nicktropolis says: you!!!!!!
Without an Absolute, I Can Be Absolutely Fine says: Yes?
Nicktropolis says: you quoted plato in your last message
Without an Absolute, I Can Be Absolutely Fine says: Yes?
Nicktropolis says: i mean, in a way that was totally natural
Without an Absolute, I Can Be Absolutely Fine says: And?
Nicktropolis says: i want you to have my children
Without an Absolute, I Can Be Absolutely Fine says: Haha, holy crap, Nick
Without an Absolute, I Can Be Absolutely Fine says: That is disturbing!
Nicktropolis says: what
Nicktropolis says: philosophy is sexy
Without an Absolute, I Can Be Absolutely Fine says: True that
Nicktropolis says: you are now on the fast track to becoming awesome
Without an Absolute, I Can Be Absolutely Fine says: Yay!
Nicktropolis says: if that is, in fact, humanly possible
Nicktropolis says: because i don’t think it is
Without an Absolute, I Can Be Absolutely Fine says: Aww
(thanks Nick!)
6. And I dork around with Maggie. Can you tell it’s late at night here?
Oh, My God. Shoes. says: happy dance ^.^
Oh, My God. Shoes. says: well, as dance like as it can get without involving standing up.
Without an Absolute, I Can Be Absolutely Fine says: Standing up is for lame people
Without an Absolute, I Can Be Absolutely Fine says: But not literally lame, because then it would be opposite
Weirdo.
Plus, from the looks of my profile map, I appear to have invaded the East Coast like some sort of plague That makes me happy.
Eigenblogger 