How many blogs would this blogger blog if this blogger DIDN’T SUCK
Over my 26-ish years on this planet, I’ve come to notice that there are a few (insignificant) things that I do differently than the majority of people I’ve met/seen. Here are some that I can think of off the top of my head.
- If you’re counting off items/tasks/whatever using your fingers, do you start counting using your thumb or your index finger? I start with the index finger, while I’ve seen the vast majority of people start with the thumb.
- You’re in the bathroom washing your hands. Do you put soap on and then water, or do you do water-soap-water? I do water-soap-water, but every time I see someone else wash their hands, they just do soap-water.
- How do you pronounce the “e” sound in “egg”? Does it sound like the “a” in “made” or more like the “e” in “bed”? I remember Sean and Aaron always pronounced it like the “bed” sound, but I pronounce it like the “made” sound. I’ve noticed that most people (those I’ve met and those on TV and such) use the “bed” sound. Similar words with similar issue: leg, peg, Meg, Greg, etc.
- Similar with “catch.” When I say it, “catch” rhymes with “etch”, but when I’ve heard most other people say it, it rhymes more with “batch”.
There’s probably a much greater proportion of people who do these things the way I do them, but I certainly never see those people, haha.
Enough of this nonsense
Anybody who knows me knows I don’t deviate from my schedule unless for a drastic reason.
The fact that I considered my actually getting out of bed this morning a miracle akin to Jesus rising from the dead, I counted that as a drastic reason.
That’s right. I, Claudia, almost stayed in bed and abandoned my commitments.
After going to the doctor this morning I said “screw life” and went home.
That’s right. I, Claudia, didn’t go to campus.
Had to go for a run, ‘cause not going to campus meant not going to the rec center.
Had to research, ‘cause if I get behind on that I might as well quit.
But after those two necessary tasks, I played Fallout for three hours then passed out in bed for a stint.
That’s right. I, Claudia, essentially took a nap.
THIS STUFF DOESN’T HAPPEN, PEOPLE.
Remainder of the evening involved a shower, freaking awesome pasta and broccoli, M&Ms, and really, really good music.
Will life as I know it return tomorrow?
STAY TUNED TO FIND OUT!
HOLY CRAP I’M HYPER.
BLOG LIKE THERE’S NO TOMORROW
Nonsensical survey responses are nonsensical. You poor fools asked for it (well, Matt did. Hi Matt!).
Do you put shampoo in your left or right hand?
I put it in my hair. Shampoo is for hair.
When you take a drink of something, do you hold your pinky up?
Hahaha, I actually do this all the time. I was doing it with the Guinness last summer and Aaron called me on it.
What’s the most dominant color in your room?
Probably me.
How many times do you knock on a door?
Three.
What form of homework do you have to do today?
SCHOOOOOOOL’S OUT! FOR! SUMMER!
I should probably be doing research.
Do you write the way you speak?
My vocal cords are incapable of holding a pen. At least, I think they are. I don’t feel like swallowing ink (or dying) to find out.
Do you understand football?
I understand “scream enthusiastically when the U of I team isn’t falling on its ass.” If that counts.
If you could move somewhere else, would you?
Vancouver has nothing for me now that Johnny Weir’s gone.
Love that man.
Do you ever think “what if” about anything?
What if I say yes?
In the past week have you cried?
Has a week of my life gone by in which I HAVEN’T cried? Haha, god, I’m so emo.
Has anyone said they love you in the last week?
My mommy.
Is there anybody you wish you could be with right now?
I miss my roomies insanely.
Who was the last person you talked to on the phone?
Mom.
Do you say sorry first?
I say sorry all the time.
Has someone promised you something and broke it?
It required Crazy Glue.
Do you like anyone?
Does “every time I’m back in Moscow we do dirty, sexy things to each other” count? If so, yes.
What were you doing at noon today?
Panicking.
Is there anybody you’re really disappointed in right now?
My SOUL!!!!
Is there someone you will never forget?
Indeed.
Looking forward to the next couple months?
Summer calculus class? HELL YES!
Not sarcastic. I have a serious problem.
Calcoholics Anonymous.
(Calcohol tastes like Choco Leibniz, by the way).
What are you saving your money up for right now?
RENTandpossiblyaguitarbecauseI’mboredandclarinetistooloudforapartmentlifeandIneedmusicbackinmylifebeforeIdie.
If you had enough money, what would you buy?
Antarctica.
Are you shy?
Indeed.
Are you a talkative person?
On occasion.
Can you live a day without TV?
Been there, done that.
Is tomorrow going to be a good day?
It freaking better be.
How’s your heart lately?
It seems to have acquired a drum set and won’t stop playing it in my chest. At least it keeps good rhythm.
Do you think age matters in relationships?
Only if you’re a ffflalkjeirocrp.
Have you held hands with anyone in the past week?
Nope.
Do you use chapstick?
I use Carmex. I’m addicted to it. I think my death will be Carmex-related.
(Carmohol tastes like tingly).
Do you have friends you can tell stuff to and you’re sure they won’t tell?
Fartfartfartfartfart.
Has anyone ever told you that they like you more than as a friend?
Fall 2008: The Semester Claudia was Hot Shit and Everyone Wanted Her.
The Sequel (Spring 2009: The Semester Claudia Married Factor Analysis and was Never Sane Again) was not so well-received by critics.
If someone liked you right now, would you want them to tell you?
Very much so.
Have you ever seen someone you knew and purposely avoided them?
I do that with everyone.
Do you like your name?
It sounds like a little kid’s name. It also means lame, which is quite descriptively accurate of me.
How many months until your birthday?
Like forty.
Do you hold grudges easily?
Little buggers are prickly.
Can you handle constructive criticism?
In Soviet Russia, constructive criticism handles YOU!
In this world, what makes you the happiest?
Factor analysis.
Are you a private person?
BOOM!
Do you fall in love too quickly?
I’ve only done it twice, I don’t think either one was too fast.
Do you catch yourself running from situations?
I catch myself mentally breaking down in front of situations.
Last person to comment you?
MAGGIE!
Ever been to a bonfire party?
Solstice fun times with mom and G.E.!
Is it easier to forgive or to forget?
It’s been statistically proven that it’s easier to have loved and lost than to either forgive OR forget, χ2(4000) = 0.9, p < 0.00000011.
Is there any emotion you’re trying to avoid right now?
I embrace all insanity.
Which is probably why I’m screwed up.
Do you wear makeup every day?
I wear foundation.
What are you listening to?
Hippos.
1Source: me.
Today’s song: Battling Go-Go Yubari in Downtown L.A. by edIT
Blog 1,394: In Which Claudia Loses Her Remaining Sanity
NNNNNH I’m SO FUCKING HYPER RIGHT NOW.
Hornyness + M&M’s + Olympics + techno = HOLY SHIT
I think it’s mostly the horniness and the fact that I’m back in Moscow where it’s acceptable to be horny because there are actually people I know.
Yeah.
WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
I don’t really know what to do with myself because I’m SO INSANE right now.
ALL CAPS IS NECESSARY FOR THE REST OF THIS BLOG, BUT I DON’T KNOW WHAT THE REST OF THIS BLOG WILL ENTAIL, SO WHATEVER!
WHATEVR.
WHATEV.
WHAT.
WAT.
ZOOM.
Today’s song: The Way I am by Ingrid Michaelson
I DON’T HAVE ANY FREAKING PANTS ON!
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALSJCVOWERJGALMVVDOXC!
MENERGY
MENERGY!
I’ve got it!
The Proposterone coursing through my system makes me want to go hump-catting instead of blogging, so that’s what I shall do.
God has given me lemons. I found a new god.
CLAUDIA’S INSANELY HYPER SURVEY OF INSANE HYPERNESS
IT’S IN ALL CAPS CAUSE IT’S THAT FREAKING IMPORTANT AND I’M THAT FREAKING HYPER, DANGIT!
AND JUST IN CASE IT’S NOT EVIDENT BY THE QUESTIONS, I WROTE THIS PIECE OF CRAP!
1. PANTS! ARE YOU WEARING THEM?
Unfortunately, my dear survey. Unfortunately. Wait, wait—HA! I removed them! WHO OWNS THE WORLD, NOW?!?!?!
2. BONSAI TREES! ARE YOU WEARING THEM?
Just two. Where my pants used to be.
3. WHAT’S YOUR TAKE ON DR. SEUSS? DO YOU THINK HE DID HEROIN?
I think I was the one on heroin when I wrote that “Seuss on the Loose” poem. Haha, remember that, Maggie? When I posted it on your wall on Facebook? I RULE!
4. DO YOU THINK IT’S MATHEMATICALLY POSSIBLE TO DIVIDE BY ZERO?
The way I see it, when you’re dividing things, it’s like your dividing them into groups (this is how I was taught to divide). Thus, if you divide something by zero, you divide it into no groups, and the number stays the same. I think it should be opposite of what it is—I don’t think you should be able to divide zero by anything. Cause if you try and divide zero into, for example, two groups, you FAIL! MISERABLY! BAM!
5. NAME YOURSELF “JONAH.” WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF A LARGE WHALE SWALLOWED YOU, JONAH?
I would pray, pray, pray to Buddha for my regurgitation on to dry land.
Wait.
That’s not right.
6. IF THE BIBLE ISN’T GOD’S WORD, WHOSE WORD IS IT?
William Shatner’s!
7. ARE YOU SICK OF ME ASKING THESE QUESTIONS IN QUESTION FORM?
Slightly.
8. WOULD YOU LIKE A STATEMENT INSTEAD?
Yes.
9. OKAY, FINE.
Thank you!
10. “CITIZEN SNIIIIIIIIPS!”
Haha, Futurama rules.
11. DO YOU HAVE INTENSELY ROMANTIC DREAMS INVOLVING JOHN PHILIP SOUSA?
How…how did you know?
12. COLIN MOCHRIE: HOT OR INCREDIBLY HOT?
Funny bald men get me every time.
13. SPEAKING OF COLIN MOCHRIE, HAVE YOU SEEN THE ANIMATED FLASH SERIES “COLIN MOCHRIE VS. JESUS H. CHRIST?”
I have indeed. Hilarity.
14. WOULD YOU NAME YOUR SON COLIN?
Yes.
15. WOULD YOU NAME YOUR SON COLON?
Ha! How tragically hilarious that would be!
16. WOULD YOU NAME YOUR SON ANY OTHER BODY PART?
My two little boys shall be named Spleen and Jugular Vein (but we will call him J.V. for short).
17. RATE THE ATTRACTIVENESS OF YOUR BUTT ON A SCALE OF 1 TO 10, 1 BEING HIDEOUS, 10 BEING GEORGE CLOONEY IN BUTT FORM (THIS WITH THE ASSMPTION THAT 98% OF WOMEN FIND GEORGE CLOONEY ATTRACTIVE; IT DOESN’T MATTER IF YOU DO OR NOT, CAUSE YOU’RE OPINION ON GEORGE CLOONEY DOESN’T MATTER AT THIS POINT OF THE SURVEY!)
2.36
18. NOW IT DOES: WHAT IS YOUR OPINION ON GEORGE CLOONEY?
I think he’s a fair-looking person.
19. WHICH RETARDED ANIMAL BABY DO YOU MOST RESEMBLE?
Oh my goodness, PUPPY!
20. LIST THREE MOVIES THAT WOULD BE INSANELY HILARIOUS IF THEY WERE MADE INTO MUSICALS:
The Day After Tomorrow
Speed
Snakes on a Plane
21. SECOND TO LAST QUESTION! ARE YOU FRIGHTENED?
Will you hold me?
22. LAST QUESTION (OR COMMAND, RATHER): FINISH THIS LIMERICK, YOU HOOLIGAN! “IN SPAIN AFTER HAVING BURRITOS…”
“…I met up with Danny DeVito.
We were having a blast,
But not long did it last,
He was bitten by a malarial mosquito!”
Eigenblogger 