We had to say goodbye to Jazzy today.

We knew it would happen sooner rather than later, but we didn’t think it would be this soon.

She threw up some blood this morning, which gave further evidence to our theory that she had some sort of lump or tumor somewhere in her upper digestive tract that has made it painful/impossible for her to eat. She then went and hid in the TV stand, which was another big indication that she knew it was almost her time to go.

The biggest indicator, though, was that she stopped purring.

We knew she was suffering. We didn’t want her to suffer anymore. We called the vet and they said they couldn’t get her in to get her put down for another few days, but they gave us the numbers of a few vets that would do in-home euthanasia. We were able to get an appointment in the late morning. Again, we didn’t want her to suffer anymore.

We spent a few hours just sitting with her in the living room before the vet came.

He was an excellent vet. He was very compassionate and understanding and careful. He explained what he was going to do and let me hold her as he administered the shots. She died peacefully in my lap with Nate next to us.

It was so hard to let her go. The vet put her little body in a cushioned box and carried her out after giving us time to just be with her.

Nate and I just sat on the bed crying after she was gone.

The house feels so empty. I can’t wrap my head around the fact that we’ll never see her weaving down the hallway again or doing her little wiggly tail dance in the kitchen or hear her beautiful purrs. I know she’ll be here in spirit, but it won’t be the same.

She was my child.

I will miss you, Jazzy. I will love you forever.