Oh, Twitter
Man, it’s been a while since I’ve seen something that made me just go “HAH” out loud. I love it.
Ready for a blast from the past?
I wasn’t. But I got one today anyway.
It’s Jessica. As in, “Rob and Jessica.” As in, the “I hate you because the guy I like decided to ask you out, you trickster whore” Jessica.
Yeah. Her.
The last contact we had was back in 2008. This is the first I’ve heard from her since then.
So here are my questions: am I a petty asshole for not wanting to reply to this at all? Is it wrong of me to think that this (nearly 10 years after the fact) apology does not make up for all of this bullshit? Am I a bad person for getting all riled up about that whole damn Rob/Jessica nonsense again just based on this message?
Actually, you know what? I don’t actually care about the answers to those questions.
I’m not going to reply to her message. Maybe it’s because I’m a petty asshole. Maybe it’s because I’m wrong in thinking that an apology doesn’t make up for all the nonsense she pulled back in 2008. Maybe it’s because I’m a bad person. I don’t actually care. The more I think about all that 2008 nonsense with her and Rob and myself and all the related drama, the more I realize that the current me would not have put up with any of that. I would have dropped it all before it got as ridiculous as it did.
And while I can’t change the past, I can make up for it in the present. How? By not engaging. By not putting up with anything related to any of that goddamn drama that made the first half of 2008 so ridiculous.*
Petty? Maybe. Healthy? Yes.
Sorry, I just felt like talking about this, so of course it had to go on my blog.
*I just wanted to date Sean. I just wanted to date Sean. Instead I got to be part of the soap opera shitfest that was getting involved with Rob. Shoot 2008 me in the face.
This is why I’m happy and this is why you should shut the hell up.
Okay, I’m getting pretty sick of all this shit. I’m happy, okay? You all just need to shut the hell up and deal with it, ‘cause guess what? I’m not going to change anything. Just chill the hell out and leave me alone.
Let’s make things a little MORE awkward, shall we?
Why do I have this uncanny ability to make everything as awkward as possible?
Seriously.
Sorry, everyone affected.
Drama: just what we need
UGH why does everything I do seem to make someone else’s life a little bit crappier? This is obnoxious, and a crappy way to start the semester.
Waiter! There’s an Ego in my Eggo!
(Two years later edit: hahaha, ignore all this. What drama we lived in back then, eh?)
Ah, I hate it when this kind of thing happens.
I was going to leave this alone, I was going to let it all just go on, but recent events have, shall we say, forced my blogging hand, and therefore there will be a blog about it now from me. Just one, so that I can state my stance, then I’ll drop it.
Put it simply, I hate it when my friends have disagreements and stop talking to one another. It depresses me and causes tension, not to mention shoots a couple of my plans for the end of the semester to hell. For the record, I’m not saying “you all need to be friends again and love each other, etc., etc.!” I know the situation, I know the circumstances, and, thanks to frequenting the table as much as I’ve been doing, have heard it from many peoples’ perspectives. I have my opinions but they will remain silent because, hey, they’re just my opinions and have no value here whatsoever. What’s done is done.
That being said, here’s point two: I plan on remaining friends with all parties involved. That’s it, end of story. I know this might make one or more of you mad (or it may not—nobody’s really said anything about that), but it’s what I’m going to do. I was friends with all of you before this started, and I’m going to remain friends with all of you now that it’s happened. If any of you have an issue with this, please tell me, ‘cause I’d like to know. It’s either going to be all of you or none of you if issues flair up (I am not choosing sides, forget it), and I’d much prefer it to be all of you, as the “none of you” option would leave me pretty much friendless when marching band starts up again in the fall, and that would suck.
I will remain a sounding board for any of you who need to talk/complain/vent about things (related to this or in general), but keep in mind that that applies to all of you. My friendship with all parties will continue on, and I’m not going to apologize for it if it turns out that that’s a problem.
I will, for the sake of this situation, remain entirely neutral; I just thought it necessary for me to let you know where I stood. I may sound a bit overdramatic about it, but it’s big enough to cause the issues that prompted this blog, so from that I draw my justification.
There you go.
Hmm, well I wasn’t expecting this…
Claudia + Rob + date = end of “soap opera from hell week,” wouldn’t you think?
Ha.
It has barely freaking begun.
Please note that this is a “preferred readers only” blog, one that I would really like to remain a “preferred readers only” blog. That means keep your freaking mouth shut and your hot little fingers from scrolling down to this blog when in the company of others, okay? I come here to rant with the expectation that it will be kept among my close friends, not shown to the world out of context. I thought this was a thing of common knowledge, that preferred-readers only blogs would not be discussed forthrightly with others, but apparently I’m wrong, so I’m saying it now: keep your damn mouths shut about these, or they will become private. Got it? Good. [Edit from the far off future year of 2025: LOL I DON’T GIVE A SHIT ANYMORE; READ ON, PUBLIC EYES!]
So as my blog indicated a few days ago, I went on a very nice date with Rob. We hit it off, so we’re going out again. Sounds great, huh?
Enter the ex-girlfriend.
Apparently, she is still in love with him and has no qualms about telling me this over Facebook. She feels hopeless and alone. And I feel like an asshole.
I’ve tried to rationalize the situation—there’s nothing I should feel guilty about. A) I didn’t initiate this, B) I had no idea the situation regarding Rob’s previous relationship, and C) I had no idea they were freaking living together until about six hours into our date.
And yet, I can’t help but feel that I’ve fucked things up yet again with my amazing ability to, well, exist. It probably sounds incredibly emo, but I’m sitting here bawling my eyes out over this, ’cause I don’t want to be the bad guy. I don’t want to be the girl who “steals” the guy (even though I know…I know that’s not the situation here).
I empathize with her. I know what it feels like to still have feelings for a person when the relationship ends, especially when it didn’t end mutually. But I can’t imagine having the other person get into another relationship while you still have those feelings of love for them.
But what do you say to this person when you’re the one with whom that the person they still love has just started a relationship? “Sorry”? That’s not sufficient, and we all know it’s not.
And it doesn’t help that this whole twisted thing is playing out over MSN Messenger. Really. I’m talking to Rob, and I’m talking to her. Separately. It’s very, very unpleasant. And I hate it cause there’s no good answer in regards to what should be done (and don’t you dare tell me there is, ’cause there’s fucking not).
So yeah. It’s been a freaking great night.
The only thing that’s been keeping me sane is Sean’s amazing ability to make light of everything. Sean rocks.
More to come, guys, I’m sure of it.
Stay tuned.
What the Hell, Universe?!
Fuck.
Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck.
Why is it, when I think I have things figured out and I have a plan all in my head, does the universe and/or whatever powers there may be feel the need to screw with my head?
I always make the wrong mistakes. Granted, there are very few right mistakes, but I always pick the ones that really, really mess things up.
Case in point: after years of totally ignoring Rob on messenger, I, against my better judgment, possibly during some sort of mini-stroke or something, I started talking to him tonight. And what happened? Do you want to take a guess? Do you need to take a guess after our history?
Yeah. You guessed it. He freaking asked me out.
If there is a god, he is a malicious little ass, and he has taken out all his malice on me in the last five minutes or so, constructing for himself a nice little soap opera to watch unfold while he smites sinners to hell and all that.
So here’s the situation in a nutshell: I like Sean. I’ve asked Sean on another date and he’s accepted. However, I don’t know if he likes me back (he said he’d say something, and nothing has been said as of yet). Rob apparently has had this crush thing going since senior year of high school and has just worked up the nerve to ask me out. And despite all my complaining about him, he seems decent enough that I don’t want to act like an asshole and say “sorry, I’m waiting for someone else’s confirmation on a relationship. But if they say no, sure, I’ll go out with you.” And what’s more, I don’t know if I’m ready to trust a relationship that is initiated by someone else. If I initiate it, sure, I have a little control and thus can assign blame to myself readily if things fall apart. But history repeats itself, and I don’t want what’s happened before to happen again anytime soon.
So the only possible solution in my mind right now? Have the little “so where do you see our relationship right now?” conversation with Sean. This I dread like the plague. Why? Because I feel like I’m pushing things. I’m not going to copy down the essence of our conversation so that you’d know what I mean and why I think that, so just trust me on it. I don’t want to make him make a decision prematurely. Therefore, I am really not ready to have this kind of conversation. I know nothing of the pain of birth, but I have a feeling that this is much worse. I mean, for god’s sake, I’d take the freaking quadruplets over this kind of thing.
So please excuse the interpersonal immaturity of this blog. I know not what I’m doing. If there were a class called “Relationships and Dating,” I’d fail it in a nanosecond. I’m not looking for an “easy out.” I just don’t want to mess with people, and with my minimal amount of experience, I really don’t know how to work it out.
Haha, my god, it is a soap opera, isn’t it? All we need are some guys named Slate and Ricardo to show up and a big, macho guy named Don to hold me at gunpoint while demanding where our illegitimate son Ambrose has taken the family diamonds.
Overdramatic, perhaps? Perhaps, but it’s how I lighten the mood.
I don’t know, you’re all more experienced in the field of romance and relationships than I—advise me, peers, advise me!
This just in: geophagists across the globe are biting the dust!
Guess what, guess what?!?!?!?!?!?
I wrote a play.
And guess what, guess what?!?!?!?!?!?
It’s going to be produced.
I am in a state of joy only comparable to the state of joy I achieve when I’m not wearing pants in a public area.
Eigenblogger 