Well that was a hell of a dream.

It’s sometime during summer in the dream and I’m in my office on campus talking to a pair of Iranian dudes (I have no idea how I know they’re Iranian) and we’re talking and laughing and blah-blah-ing about all sorts of stuff. Then I look at my watch and realize that I have to go teach in 5 minutes.

The room I teach in is neither in Renfrew nor in the TLC but in some huge auditorium/stadium thing. Actually, now that I think about it, it looked more like a movie theatre without the big projector screen in front.

Anyway, I go in there and because I’m late the university decided to put a guest lecturer in my place. But he wasn’t really doing anything and was just kind of standing in the front of the room looking bewildered. There weren’t too many of us in there—maybe 20 or 30 people—and we were all just calmly sitting in the chairs.

Then, all of a sudden, everyone started freaking out. I think someone saw a pencil on the floor or something and that just sent everything into chaos for whatever reason. The substitute guy was still just standing in front watching all of this nonsense, so I started to move to the front of the classroom (movie theatre?) to try and help calm everyone down. I moved in super slow motion—you know how it is in dreams sometimes—and by the time I was up front, everyone had cooled off.

Then someone saw a Cheez-It and all hell broke loose again. Why? Apparently the Cheez-It was “immoral” and because it was in the room, everyone there was at risk of going to hell. This second freak-out was even louder and more panicked than the first—people were like “oh my god, I’m never going to touch a Cheez-It again! I don’t want to go to hell! I repent! I repent! I need to get out of this room!”

Then, finally, the substitute guy just went off on everyone. He started yelling “SHUT UP! SHUT UP! You are NOT mindless sheep! You will NOT let ONE CHEEZ-IT dictate your life! You’re COLLEGE STUDENTS, for god’s sake! Don’t let this one Cheez-It ruin all the other Cheez-Its in your life!”

As he was talking, I had gone to the chalkboard that had magically appeared in the front of the room and had written “One Cheez-It = One Mistake” with a big copyright symbol behind it, and was super proud of this apparently brilliant phrase.

Then my alarm went off and I woke up.

What the hell.