I hate automatic toilets.

I hate them with a passion.

Here’s why.

1) They’re louder than hell. What is it about the difference between the manual flush mechanism and the automatic one that requires an additional 100 dB for the latter to operate properly? I don’t know if it’s because I have sensitive hearing or what, but I hate going to the bathroom where automatic toilets are equipped, because it means I’ll have to be ready to plug my ears at any time. This is because…

2) They go off randomly no reason. It’s like some sort of chaos theory in toilet form. I thought people wanted control over their lives? How do passive-aggressive automatic toilets help with this?

3) They waste water. Related strongly to the second point. Whatever premature flushing disorder these toilets have cause them to flush at least once too many times per use (if you’re lucky). And that’s totally what we need.

4) The reason they even exist pisses me off immensely. I’m sure you all know about the anti antibacterial soap argument, and I think society’s germ-phobic tendencies are getting a bit out of hand regarding other things as well. Oh no, GERMS! We can’t have contact with any of THOSE! Oh, how much our lives would be improved if we had some sort of IMMUNE SYSTEM TO HELP PROTECT US! Have people not read the literature on exposure to germs in early childhood leading to stronger immune systems?* I’m not saying go into the bathroom and lick the toilet seat or anything, I’m saying that the fact that we’re so paranoid as to not be willing to press a metal handle for about 2 seconds in order to flush a toilet in order to avoid germs is pretty freaking pathetic. Disagree? Okay, fine. But still, aren’t those sinks in the bathroom there so we can wash our hands after we use the facilities? I’m assuming people generally wash their hands AFTER they flush, so…

What’s the point of automatic flushing toilets, then? 

Gr.

Sorry, rant over.

*Exposure to foreign bodies throughout one’s life strengthens the immune system too, I think.

Today’s song: Bolero as conducted by Andre Rieu