“Ah! My dear Watson! I do believe I’ve solved the riddle of my constant coldness! If you examine the evidence closely (and by “examining the evidence” I mean observing the result I obtained by taking my temperature every 30 minutes over the course of one day) you will see that my internal body temperature never rises above 97.8 degrees! Furthermore, Watson—you sexy beast, you—I have found that this internal temperature dropped below the hypothermia threshold (approximately 96.8 degrees) on twelve separate occasions!

“Now I know what you’re saying, Watson (you man-beef you, I want you in my bed chamber later): ‘Sir, your argument holds little water. I know, as you do, that body temperature varies from person to person. Your body’s average temperature may in fact be a significant amount lower than your peers, therefore rendering this ‘normal’ hypothermia threshold marking irrelevant. However, I do say that this lower temperature has no effect on your sexual urges.’

“Indeed,” I would say in response, “you are correct regarding my sexual urges. However, you fail to provide an adequate argument regarding your other points. I fail to recognize the idea that my body temperature would naturally be low enough to consider such a low temperature of, in one case, 94.7, as ‘normal’ and ‘healthy.’

He: “But sir, you are, as I recall, anemic.”

Me: “No longer! I have conquered the beast that is anemia months ago and it has remained conquered!”

He: “Ah! I see your brilliance now! May I recline now upon your floor and bid you to do what you wish of me!”

Me: “Oh-ho! I see you want more of what you got last night!”

Etc., etc.

So yeah. I’m a freaking hypothermic little weirdo.