Holy crap, people, I’ve been blogging for two years straight now!

Back on May 1st, 2006, I started blogging. Who knew it would turn into this? As per usual, I shall present you with my top titles, broken down into a couple of sections. I’d give you the best blogs, but that hasn’t changed much (yesterday’s was pretty good, though). Plus, it’s dead week and I want to shoot myself, so this is what you get.

Onward!

The “I pick some random dude(s) and ascribe to them some sort of personality quality in my blog title” titles

• Orson Welles, put your pants back on!
• Parmenides, is it really necessary to philosophize sans pants?
• No, Mark Twain, I don’t want to see your “Huckleberry Finn,” now put your pants back on!
• Mr. Gorbachev, first put your pants back on, then we’ll talk about the wall, okay?
• Ronal Reagan was a mean child, always destroying the walls of his playmates’ Lego creations
• John Adams, I do not feel you have the necessary capabilities to bring sexy back
• Machiavelli! No more bran muffins for you, young man!
• Spinoza! Descartes! Am I going to have to separate you two?
• Henry David Thoreau, get out of my pool!
• Blog 660: Leibniz, Leibniz, Leibniz! (Get out of my pool!)

Stupid puns, jokes, or plays on words

• This just in: geophagists across the globe are biting the dust!
  This is one of Claudia’s blog titles if and only if it contains a bad joke about biconditionals
  If Genghis Khan, You Can, Too! (Too Bad Immanuel Kant)
  That’s the one good thing about standard deviates—they’re never mean
  I used to teach a failing fly-tying class until I realized my efforts were all for knot
  I used to work at a bridal shop specializing in headdresses. My work there was to know a veil
  Hyperbole is the best thing EVER!!
  I tried flying by the seat of my pants, but I couldn’t get them certified by the FAA
  Silly Rabbit…Trix are for Magicians
  A Dutch man once touched an electrically-charged French Petri dish. It was a culture shock.

The “If a tree falls in the forest…” series (I thought I had more of these)

• If a tree falls in the forest, can we still have sex later?
  If a tree farts in the forest, do all the other trees fall over?
  If a tree doesn’t fall in the forest and somebody is around, does the universe suddenly implode?
  If a summer falls in the winter, does it spring back?
  If a sound falls in a tree and no one is around, does it make a forest?

The “Waiter! There’s a…” series

• Waiter! There’s a Pythagorean Theorem in my Pi!
  Waiter! There’s a Hippo in my Taco Grande!
  Waiter! There’s a Freudian in my Id!
  Waiter! There’s a Quadriplegic in my Jazzercise Class!
  Waiter! There’s Voltaire in my English Book! (what’re the odds of that?!)
  Waiter! There’s a Creationist in my Primordial Soup!
  Waiter! There’s some Plato in my Play-Doh!
  Waiter! There’s a Super Nova in my ANOVA! How in the world…?
  Waiter! There’s an Intergalactic Star Cruiser in my Bran Muffin!
  Waiter! There’s a Pisces in my Tropic of Capricorn!
  Waiter! Why in the hell do you always bring me crappy puns?
  Waiter! There’s a Matt Farnsworth in my Blog!
  Waiter! There’s an e in my pi (thus meaning he brought me pie! Sweet!)
  Waiter! There’s an Ethiopia on Djibouti!
  Waiter! There’s kurtosis in my bimodal-distributed data!
  Waiter! …Waiter? AAAAAAAAAAAAAGHDLFHGSLHDSL!!!
  Waiter! There’s four and twenty blackbirds in my pie chart! (Confused? Understandable.)
  Waiter! There’s a tree falling in my forest and I can’t tell if it’s making a sound!
  Waiter! There’s some fuzzy logic in my dryer’s lint collector!
  Waiter! There’s an…aw, screw it, can I just get some pasta?

Ones that I just like

• Jimmy crack corn one more time and I’m referring him to a specialist
  Choco Leibniz: The Best of All Possible Cookies
  The day that Camus backed into a sumac was the day the palindrome was born!
  I think it was Socrates who said, “Hello! My name is Socrates!”
  At first I was just friendly to the environment. But now we’re dating!
  Sometimes I have the answers. Other times I’m just a toaster.
  Where do the quadriplegics stand?
  Get confident, stupid!
  E = MC Hammer
  Drugs: the anti…oh wait.

Hope to entertain you people for another year or two. Or forty.