I’m in a weird-ass mood, so it’s time to nonsensically answer a survey.

As one does on occasion.

1. What was the last clothing item that you bought?
FORTY UMBRELLAS

2. If you could stay one age forever, what age would you choose?
The Bronze Age (I’m 99.9% sure I’ve used this joke before)

3. When you say “lol”, are you really laughing?
I am CRYING BITTERLY and plotting revenge on Al Gore, the inventor of the Tubes.

4. What is the most interesting thing you’ve done in the past year?
I bought an island in the sun.
Hip, hip.

5. If you started a business, what would it be?
It would be NONE OF YOURS, that’s for sure!

6. Do your friends/family/coworkers know about your blog?
Everyone knows Eigenblogger. EVERYONE.

7. How long does it take you to write an average blog post?
Exactly 4.55 minutes.

8. How do you keep up with the blogs you follow?
I follow no one. I am a leader, I am!

9. What is your bedtime?
I just asked my bed. He doesn’t know. I don’t know either. Now we’re having dual existential crises that will continue for an unspecified amount of time. THANKS, SURVEY.

10. Introvert or extrovert?
Sievert.

11. What is your biggest wish?
THE MOOOOOOOOOOOOON

12. What is the best job you ever had?
Granting sentience to paperclips.

14. If you had $1,000 to spend any way you wanted, what would you do with it?
I’d buy $1,000 worth of paperclips, grant half of them sentience, and then see what the sentient ones do with the non-sentient ones. Would they see them as gods? Insubordinates? Equals? Would they use them as paperclips?

15. How do you dress your toast?
With an appropriately-sized ascot.

16. How do you feel about snow?
It’s too warm.

17. What was the worst job you ever had?
Being an atomic bomb.

18. What song can you not stop listening to?
“You Can’t Stop Listening to This” by The Literal Titles

19. Love your name or hate it?
I’d take it on a date, but that’s about as far as we’d go.

20. How did you choose your blog/twitter handle?
I didn’t choose Eigenblogger. Eigenblogger chose me.