I like Wham!. I like Christmas songs. But the intersection of Wham! and Christmas songs?

Oh dear.

I present to you Wham!’s “Last Christmas,” one of the most grating Christmas songs I’ve ever heard. Why? The chorus, dear child. The chorus.

Last Christmas, I gave you my heart
But the very next day, you gave it away
This year, to save me from tears
I’ll give it to someone special

Last Christmas, I gave you my heart
But the very next day, you gave it away (you gave it away)
This year, to save me from tears
I’ll give it to someone special (special)

The shit is this rhyming scheme? Why u no rhyme in an intuitive way? All the other bars have a rhyming scheme: A A B B.

Once bitten and twice shy
I keep my distance, but you still catch my eye
Tell me, baby, do you recognize me?
Well, it’s been a year, it doesn’t surprise me

But this?

Last Christmas, I gave you my heart
But the very next day, you gave it away

This bothers me SO MUCH. Why don’t they rhyme? Why make the chorus a messy set of lines when everything else has the A A B B form?

Like…

Last Christmas, I gave you my heart
But the very next day, you tore it apart

How hard is that?

And…

Last Christmas, I gave you my heart
But the very next day, you tore it apart
This year, to save me from tears
I’ll give it to someone whose love is real

It’s not like they’re hard lines to rhyme. But no, they went with something unpredictable and just downright weird in the context of the rest of the song.

I honestly don’t get it. Am I missing something? ‘Cause I get irrationally angry whenever I hear this song and it’d be great if I’m just not catching on to something about the chorus.

UGH.