It’s 5 AM and I’ve been giggling like an idiot for like the past three hours FOR NO GOOD REASON. Once you pass a certain degree of sleep deprivation, everything on the internet is HILARIOUS.

Seriously. At 5 this morning, this is what had me on the floor laughing like a moron:

Yes, a comparison chart of temperature scales had me ROTFL. Don’t you judge me!

Other stupid observations made over the last three hours:

• This infomercial is comparing aging women to rotting melons. This is need-to-know info! How can I keep from turning into a dilapidated casaba?
• All my Facebook ads are for plastic surgery. That makes me…disturbed.
• Now I’ve got the TV on mute with the closed captions on. Paula Deen’s on some cooking show and every time I look up I see the word “butter” on the screen.
• Leibniz’ first calculating machine was called the “Step Reckoner.” If that’s not the best death metal band name ever, I don’t know what is.
• Oh my god, all the band members would have to wear massive wigs. I would go to one of their concerts in a nanosecond.

Okay. Now it’s time to pretend to pack for a few minutes while I listen to Dethklok and pretend they’re a bunch of 17th century big-wigged dudes screaming about death.