But then I took it anyway.

701. What is your favorite mixed drink?
Don’t have one.

702. When answering these questions are you often pulled in different directions, as if committing to one answer eliminates the possibility for all others?
Depends on the question. This survey, due to its volume, is full of quite a range of questions.

703. Chicken Mesala, Pasta Primavera, Veal Cutlet Parmesan or Linguini with Clam Sauce?
Linguini, bitches! Long pasta owns.

704. If you were alone in your friend’s house/room/apartment would you look in their drawers and notebooks?
I used to do that when I was younger, but I wouldn’t do it now.

705. What would you really like to do but you don’t because you are afraid of getting caught?
Be naked always.

706. Of the following, which word best describes you: responsible, spontaneous, tactful, uninhibited?
Responsible. I suppose I’m tactful sometimes, but rarely am I totally uninhibited or spontaneous.

707. Which band would you most likely check out? The Smiths (indi-pop 80’s-90’s), The Lords of Acid (acid/house/dance 90’s), Front 242 (80’s-90’s industrial/dance).
Probably The Lords of Acid.

708. How can one put an end to procrastination, as a bad habit?
You’re asking someone doing a 5,000 question survey? Haha. The best way to do it is to schedule procrastination times, in my opinion. Work consistently for an hour, “procrastinate” for 10 minutes. Rinse, repeat.

709. What feature would you want on your car that is not currently offered?
Um…the car?

710. What kind of poetry speaks to you?
I don’t like poetry. Sorry.

711. What is your favorite store that is open 24 hours?
Winco! Nothing beats Winco for late night screwing around.

712. Do you find that sleep is just so much sleepier when you are supposed to be doing something else?
Hahaha, best question ever. I rarely sleep as it is; the quality of it doesn’t change much to me.

713. Do you also find that the books you chose are so much more luscious when you have a stack of actual assignments that you should be reading?
Eh. I like doing assignments.

714. If you have had the chance to compare the original 5000 Question Survey to this edited version, what is your opinion?
There was an original one? WHAT.

715. What’s the most creative answer you can think of for ‘what is black and white and red all over’?
It’s ruined when it’s written out. Red vs. read.

716. Why do people slow down on the highway when they pass a cop car pulling someone else over?
Because people suck at following the speed limit and freak out when they see a cop.

717. Are they afraid that the cop will STOP pulling over whoever he is pulling over and pull them over instead?
That would be hilarious.

718. It’s daddy’s birthday. What do you get him?
Probably a TV show season on DVD. He loves his DVDs.

719. What’s your 5,000 question survey nickname?
Look at the word next to the 2nd letter of your last name
A anything but
B bubalicious
C captivating
D deadly
E erotic
F funky
G greasy
H heaps of
I indie
J jelly
K kinetic
L lasher
M Mr. (or Mrs.)
N neglected
O ogre-like
P parading
Q quacking
R Rico
S stinky
T the one and only
U uber
V Velcro
W wishing for
X x-tra
Y yearning for
Z zoobalee
Now take the first letter of your last name.
A aardvarks
B baboo
C creme pie
D drag queen
E eggbert
F flex
G god
H hell
I Isabelle
J juice
K kisses
L lightning
M mannish boys
N nice
O octopi
P porcupines
Q q-bert
R rainbows
S suave
T tushy
U underwear
V valor
W weenie
X xtc
Y yohimbe
Z zipper
Put the two words together for your nickname.
My nickname is: Heaps of Mannish Boys. And that is the single greatest nickname in this solar system.

720. You know that shaky feeling that you get when it’s all coming to a climax, and everyone involved is breaking into the good kind of cold sweat, working as individuals and at the same time as a single force of energy, and it all meshes together, and for a brief moment, you’re holding your breath and tingling all over, and after it’s done you’re on an explosive and dizzying high for the rest of the night?
Um…are you talking about orgasms or a bunch of stats geeks trying to run some R code?

What does that feeling come from?
Convergence, baby. It’s all about convergence.

721. How many of your teachers can you imagine drinking or doing drugs on the weekends?
Haha, my grad school profs? None of them, actually.

722. Do you like Alice in Wonderland or Through the Looking Glass?
Through the Looking Glass.

723. Write a question and answer it here.
“Are you wearing pants right now?”
“Nope.”

724. Who is your favorite playwright?
Arthur Miller

725. What movie has come out recently that you couldn’t have less interest in?
Pretty much all of them.

726. What would the worst movie ever be about?
Movies suck in general, yo.

727. Do you like truffles?
I’ve never had one.

728. Can you tell the difference between a transvestite and a real woman?
Never tried.

729. What’s funnier, plants or fire extinguishers?
Plants using fire extinguishers.

730. For question 720 did you write down sex?
R coding, sex…same thing.

You pervert, I was thinking of musical theater.
Hot.

731. Which is better, leopard print or plaid?
Plaid.

732. What would you consider ordinary?
There is no such thing.

733. What is out of the ordinary?
Haha, the whole human species. We’re nuts.

734. Do you ever watch COPS?
Nope.

735. Is there always room for j – e – l – l – o?
Only if you sing it as you spell it.

736. If you had your own TV show, what kind of show would you make it?
Something informative. Like a science news show or something.

737. Do you know how heavy things like airplanes stay in the air?
Fuckin’ aerodynamics, how do they work?  (Give me hope that you get the Insane Clown Posse reference)

738. When do you act the most dramatic?
When I’m hyper and/or around my band friends.

739. Are you one of those people who have, “see photo id,” written on the back of their credit cards?
What?

740. It’s mom’s birthday. What do you get her?
A massage. Kitchen gadget stuff.

741. What celebrity has pretty much disappeared leaving you wondering ‘where are they now’?
I don’t follow celebrities.

742. Would you get angry if you and your girl/boyfriend saw the preview for a movie and talked about seeing it together and then they saw it with one of their friends while you were busy?
No.

743. How many people do you think will finish this whooooooole survey?
I will!

744. Have you ever written a message, sealed it in a bottle and thrown it into a river/lake ocean?
Nope.

745. If you haven’t would you want to?
Sure.

746. If you ever did what would you write?
Who knows? Probably something weird.

747. What do you wish you could always be protected from?
Stupidity.

748. What small thing annoys you so much it should be a crime?
People who cannot. Walk. Properly. Treat the sidewalk like a road, dudes, and stop meandering like a headless idiot.

749. Would you rather watch a video of fish in a tank, or the Yule log on TV?
Yule log!

750. Is it better to be loved or feared?
Loved.

751. What causes you to panic?
Hahaha, pretty much everything. Schedule-related and school-related stuff, specifically.

752. Do you believe that you have a strong personality?
I have a quiet personality until you get to know me and I get more comfortable around you.

753. When Jesus saves souls…does he trade them in for valuable prizes?
It takes a metric ton of souls to trade in for a resurrection. That’s why it took him three days.

754. What resolutions would you make if it were new years?
I’ve already made and am in the process of keeping my resolutions.

755. Why wait?
I’m not!

756. Do you feel like time is on your side or working against you?
Depends on what I’m doing. This thesis thing’s freaking me out a bit, though.

757. What do you do for yourself when you are down to put a little joy back into your life?
Music, boys and girls. Music.

758. How much Tolkien have you read?
Tolkein does not write in my genre.

759. These are the songs on the radio. Which are you most likely to listen to: Time Bomb by Rancid, Dead Man’s party by Oingo Boingo, The Sun Always Shines on TV by A-ha, 50 Ways to leave Your Lover by Paul Simon, Run by collective Soul
Dead Man’s Party is badass.

760. Do you believe that Jesus existed as a real person?
He may have.

761. Do you believe he was the son of god?
I might if I believed in God.

762. How do you feel about organized religion?
As long as it’s not used as an excuse for violent and/or intolerant acts, it’s fine by me.

763. What sentence have you heard lately that would sound pretty odd out of context?
“The wheels on the bus go round and round!”

763. If you had to choose one image to be a symbol of our times, what would you pick?
Something bad. We’re all going to die soon.

764. Name a group of people:
The Planeteers.

765. How many of them does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Five (but only if it’s one of those energy saving bulbs! Go Planet!)

766. Do you like the movie The Labyrinth with David Bowie and some muppets?
Hell freaking yes. David Bowie’s crotch was the star.

767. Do you like the movie The Dark Crystal?
That is one trippy movie, yo.

768. Metallica or Guns N’ Roses?
Metallica.

769. Do you follow the Chinese zodiac?
Sure, why not? Next year’s my year.

770. Do you like reggae music?
Not particularly, no.

771. What makes your life worth it every day?
Looking forward. The future > right now. That’s about all I’ve got to hold on to right now.

772. Do you seize each day and sink your teeth into it?
In my own way, yes. You’d probably never guess, though.

773. I’ve heard people say that Jim Morrison never yawned because he was just so full of life. How often do you yawn?
I yawn when I exercise, actually. I think I just suck at getting adequate oxygen amounts into my body.

774. Who decides what behavior is ‘crazy’ or ‘sane’?
Society, unfortunately.

775. Who are the most inspiring artists, musicians, poets, and writers?
Those with passion.

776. Did anything historically significant happen in the year you were born?
NASA restarted their space flight efforts after the Challenger disaster two years prior.

777. Besides blowing out birthday candles when do you make wishes?
Never, really.

778. Are you self-sufficient?
Indeed.

779. Is it better to be wanted or needed?
Wanted.

780. What do you feel is an appropriate age to lose one’s virginity at?
Hahaha, you’re asking me? I’ll probably be a virgin for life.
Aw, now I’m sad.

781. Do you feel that the appropriate age for girls and for boys is different?
Bah.

782. Are you a hard person to get to know?
I don’t think so, but history says otherwise.

783. What is the craziest thing you have ever done out of anger?
Um…that’s private.

784. What’s the MOST annoying sound you can think of?
Babies crying. Babies in general. Kids in general.

785. What’s the silliest vegetable you can think of?
Bok choy. Bok choy is hilarious.

786. Do you believe in love at first sight?
Pfft.

787. Name one thing you have referred to in the past as “better than sex”:
Statistics. Leibniz. Sleepyhead.

788. What do you see when you turn out the light?
Um…darkness? Rods take a bit to adjust.

789. Do you like jazz, blues and/or swing music?
Not particularly.

790. Do you prefer gold or silver jewelry?
I don’t really have a preference.

791. In what ways do you want your children to be like you?
I don’t want children.

792. In what ways would you want your children to be different from you?
See above.

793. What was the scariest movie you’ve ever seen?
The Brave Little Toaster Goes to Mars.

794. What was the funniest movie you’ve ever seen?
The Brave Little Toaster Goes to Mars.

795. What was the worst movie you’ve ever seen?
The Brave Little Toaster Goes to Mars.

796. Are you a good massage-giver?
Sure.

797. What is one question that no one can ever truthfully answer ‘yes’ to?
“Are you happy?”

798. Is there more to this world than human beings can perceive?
Durh.

799. If matter is neither created nor destroyed then is it possible that you are made up of molecules that once made up Ghandi or Jesus or Einstein?
More importantly: I could be made up of molecules that once made up LEIBNIZ. THINK ABOUT IT, PEOPLE.

800. Are you often sarcastic?
Hahaha.