You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You: SHAMWOW!
Stranger: IMA DINOSAUR!
Stranger: MRAA
Stranger: SOAK ME UP!
You: SHAMWOW attacks DINOSAUR, +693 DAMAGE!
Stranger: DINOSAUR SUMMONS PIZZA DEMON +700 DAMAGE
You: SHAMWOW uses ABSORBANCY SHIELD! +300 DEFENSE
You: SHAMWOW unleashes GUSH OF STORED WATER! SHAMWOW MISSES!
Stranger: DINOSAUR USES FLASH GRENADE -400 HISTORICAL ACCURACY!
Stranger: DINOSAUR GNAWS ON SHAMWOW
Stranger: CRITICAL HIT!
You: DINOSAUR attempts to BUY SHAMWOW! -three easy payments of $19.95!
You: SHAMWOW is hurt!
You: SHAMWOW absorbs HEALING POTION!
Stranger: DINOSAUR USES HEALTH POTION
You: SHAMWOW uses DIPLOMATIC TRAINING!
You: DINOSAUR is CONFUSED!
Stranger: DINOSAUR ATTEMPT TO SLAP WITH TINY RAPTOR ARMS
Stranger: DINOSAUR MISSES
You: SHAMWOW punches with 200% of its own power in BITCHSLAP FIGHT with DINOSAUR
Stranger: DINOSAUR SHOOTS DRAIN CLEANER AT SHAMWOW WITH ONE SECOND PLUMBER!
You: DIRECT HIT!
You: SHAMWOW FAINTED!
You: TRAINER sends out SLAPCHOP!
Stranger: DINOSAUR RUNS IN FEAR
Stranger: TRAINOR SENDS OUT
Stranger: KOOL AID MAN
You: OOOOHHHHH YEEEEEEEEEEEEAHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Stranger: KOOL AID MAN DRENCHES SLAPCHOP IN GRAPE FLAVOURED KOOL AID
You: SLAPCHOP uses SLICE N’ DICE ACTION!
Stranger: CRITICAL HIT!
Stranger: KOOL AID MAN FAINTED
Stranger: TRAINER SENDS OUT BILLY MAYS’ GHOST
You: SLAPCHOP FAINTED from SHOCK!
Stranger: BILLY MAYS DOES VICTORY DANCE
You: TRAINER: “I knew this day would come, BILLY MAYS…”
You: TRAINER: “For you see, I’ve known you for a long time…”
You: TRAINER: “I am your sworn enemy, VINCE SHLOMI!”
Stranger: TRAINER: “This battle is not yet over! For I have a secret weapon!”
Stranger: TRAINER: “A VULNERABLE PROSTITUTE!”
Stranger: TRAINER: “TEMPTING ISN’T IT?”
You: TRAINER: “AGH! Damn you, BILLY MAYS!”
You: TRAINER: “Can’t…resist…”
You: VULNERNABLE PROSTITUTE uses UNWELCOMED MEDIA EXPOSURE!
You: CRITICAL CAREER HIT!
You: VINCE is out of useable PRODUCTS!
You: VINCE blacked out!
You have disconnected.

Best. Converastion. Ever.

Today’s song: Dildo by Interactive (this song deserves mention. A song whose lyrics consist entirely of “dildo” repeated ad nauseum, “put-it-in, put-it-in, put-it-in, put-it-in!” and “wow-wow, wig-ah-da, wig-ah-da” has to be put to an insane electronic beat to be even remotely fun to listen to)