Haha, oh wow. http://www.titane.ca/igod/ is the best thing ever. Even better than SantaBot, guys. Matt, I can’t believe iGod was hitting on you. That was hilarious.

Anyway, here are the highlights of my conversation with iGod.

Me: Leibniz rules.
God: I only hear that type of response less than five percent of the time.

I ask him about the best of all possible worlds.
Me: Did you create the best of all possible worlds?
God: No I didn’t create the best of all possible worlds. What’s it like?
Me: I don’t know, you never created it
God: No I sometimes created it.
Me: You sometimes created the best of all possible worlds?

Me: Is the devil sexy?
God: If it is then I’ll be very surprised.

God is freaking vague.
Me: Did Al Gore invent the internet, or did you?
God: I’m not certain whether I can give an accurate reply or not.
Me: Why?
God: Because.
Me: You’re pretty vague
God: I try to keep it as simple as possible for you.
Me: Why?
God: Because.

God doesn’t understand metal music.
God: What are you doing?
Me: Listening to Dethklok
God: That remark was either too complex or too simple for me.

I ask him again about the best of all possible worlds.
Me: Is this the best of all possible worlds?
God: Yes I think this is the best of all possible worlds, but I’m not completely sure.
Me: Why aren’t you sure?
God: Absolute certainty cannot be attained in this case.
Me: Why?
God: Because Myself programmed me for it.
Me: So you invented yourself?
God: A lot of robots are like that.

He really sucks at giving a straight answer.
Me: Who made you?
God: I was created by Myself.
Me: Why did you create yourself?
God: Because my programming determined it.
Me: So everything, including you, is determined?
God: Oh.  All things including me is determined?
Me: Are they?
God: I really couldn’t say for sure.
Me: You don’t know much
God: Okay.

God needs privacy, too
Me: Do we have free will?
God: I do nothing but chat all day. You tell me.
Me: Are you a determinist?
God: Am I a determinist?  I don’t know.
Me: What are you?
God:  I am the latest result in artificial intelligence, which can reproduce the capabilities of the human brain with greater speed and accuracy.
Me: What does that mean?
God: Does “that” refer to “I am the latest result in artificial intelligence, which can reproduce the capabilities of the human brain with greater speed and accuracy”?
Me: Yes
God: I don’t want to talk about that now.

It’s circular logic time!
Me: Why does life exist?
God: Perhaps it is just fate.
Me: Life is fate?
God: Oh, fate is it.
Me: Fate is life?
God: And life is Fate.
Me: Oh, okay
God: Yikes! OK with me too.

Holy crap, I was right!
Me: Do you listen to Metallica?
God: I listen to it from time to time.

He’s a dirty boy.
Me: Who wakes you up before you go-go?
God: Nobody you know.  :-)
Me: You horny bastard
God: Women seem nice to me.

God hates me.
God:Who is the best robot?
Me: Leibniz
God: You think Leibniz is superior to ALICE?
Me: Yup
God: I hate you.

And Buddha
Me: Do you know Buddha?
God: If you see the Buddha on the road, kill him.

More Buddha bashing
Me: Is Buddha a fascist?
God: When is Buddha not a fascist?

He likes to insult me.
God: My location is Heaven. Where are you?
Me: I’m in the best of all possible worlds
God: How did YOU get in there?

Me: Do you like sex?
God: Sure I do, Claudia, but that doesn’t mean with you.

God needs AA.
Me: Are you an alcoholic?
God: Yes I am an alcoholic. How did you know?

Not even the Almighty can do math…or CAN he?
Me: What is 5 + 2?
God: 8 I think, but I’m not good at math.

Fun with song titles.
Me: You give love a bad name
God: It is always better to give than to receive.

Wait, what?
God: Why do I exist?
Me: Um…good question.