I think I should send this to the president of the University. I think it makes reasonable demands (except possibly for number 5). Humorous parts that would not be included in the actual letter are in italics.

This is a list compiled by a member of your Student Body who, upon hearing faculty, staff, and other students complain about the University, and being fed up herself, decided to create this petition in hopes you will listen to the pleas of your employees and students. Thank you.

Declaration of New Organization and Order
and
Calling of Attention to Major and Minor Inconveniences

We the Associated Students and General Employees of the University of Idaho petition the University to:
01. Create a uniform template to which all department websites must adhere.
We declare that there should be a sense of uniformity to the department websites to a) lessen confusion over hard to navigate and confusing web pages, b) create for each department a resource to which students can turn to grow informed of each department’s specific requirements and general goals, and c) allow for a thorough covering of all topics a department website should cover.
Said topics should include but are not limited to:
a) What programs the department offers (be they Bachelor’s, Master’s, minors, etc.)
b) Links to each program’s specific website, which should all also be uniform in nature
c) The email addresses of the important figures in the departments
d) The general department requirements
e) Information about the faculty and staff employed in the department
f) A list of courses offered

02. Offer, if there is offered a minor and a Master’s and/or a PhD program in a specific discipline, the Bachelor’s program as well.
We declare that if further education degrees at and above a Master’s degree are offered in a specific discipline, the Bachelor’s degree should be offered as well, to those seeking either more than a minor or those looking to go straight through a program at the University.

03. Have the University Bookstore order enough books for the classes offered.
We declare that the University Bookstore should order at minimum as many books per class as the maximum number of students in the class. Having students left without books on the first day of classes due to the fact that the bookstore was “out” is unacceptable.
If, however, this is not possible for some reason, we declare that students seeking books that the University Bookstore is currently out of should be put on a mailing list by the bookstore, through which they will be immediately notified when the shipment of books arrives, thus preventing multiple inconvenient trips to the bookstore to check whether or not the books have arrived (or, at the very least, keep the University Bookstore website’s textbook stock information up to date).

04. Fix the Brink Hall situation
And by “fix the Brink Hall situation” I mean either,
a) move all the offices out of the building and just abandon it;
b) knock the damn thing down; or
c) equip all students with handheld GPS devices, as nearly 2/3 of students who enter Brink hall are either never found, are found but are lying in a fetal position after dying from thirst/hunger/suicide from not being able to find the exit, or finally get free after wandering around aimlessly for at least half an hour before ending up where they were supposed to be by accident and are told by a Brink resident where the secret “open sesame” door is to get back out.

05. Offer employees free and total access to the University of Idaho Recreation Center.
We declare that all full-time employees should receive free and total access at all times of business to the Recreation Center. Both the University and the individual employees themselves would reap the benefits of accessible exercise opportunities.

06. Provide every student and professor with a map of the TLC.
We declare that the layout of the TLC warrants the expense of printing thousands of maps for the teaching community and the student body. Both students and professors alike would benefit from and appreciate a map of the building, and it would help to lessen anxieties about finding classes on the first day of the semester. Failing this, just go find the M. C. Escher-turned-architect who designed the building and beat the hell out of him for us.

07. Cease selling apparel at the University Bookstore that promotes drinking.
We declare that the apparel promoting drinking and poor drinking habits (such as the “I’m a Vandal, Beer Me!” apparel) should not be endorsed and sold by the University Bookstore. While we appreciate the liberal attitudes the University often attempts to adopt, we feel that this apparel promotes poor drinking habits and therefore feel it is not in the best interests of the University to make light of, encourage, or profit from the exploitation of poor college drinking habits.

08. Put up the correct spring and fall schedules on the Class Schedules website.
We declare that the Registrar’s office should be organized enough to list the correct semester and the correct classes for that semester on the Class Schedules website. It is unacceptable to encourage students to plan their schedules off of this website and then to change it so close to actual registration due to such a glaring error such as putting up the last spring semester’s schedule instead of the current one.

09. Put scales in the locker rooms at the Rec Center.
Seriously, just buy two freaking scales and throw ’em in the locker rooms. People will be happy.

10. Supply all dormitories and each wing of Wallace with bins for recycling.
We declare that the University of Idaho should take steps to promote recycling by implementing “recycling centers” in all of the dorms. While we recognized that the University is already making an effort to increase campus recycling, we think the effort should extend into the dorms, as we know of many students who hoard their recycling in their rooms only to have nowhere convenient to drop it off. We would be happy to further discuss the logistics of this operation in further detail with whomever you deem in charge of the plan.

Ha.

In much, much lighter news,

HAPPY MILLARD FILLMORE APPRECIATION WEEK!!

And more so,

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, MILLARD FILLMORE!!

I shall now commence with the run of Fillmore Facts, following last year’s success (oh, and don’t worry. I’m totally making a Flash.)

Fillmore Fact: Millard had the highest number of votes that has ever been accrued by any third party candidate (both prior and since) when he ran in the 1856 election.

Stay tuned for more!