You know the drill.

1. How many people have you had sex with in 2007?
A big fat ZERO!

2. Weed, coke, speed, crack, heroin, oxy, acid, x, k, peyote, mushrooms, of these, how many have you done?
A big fat ZERO!

3. Ever been cheated on?
A big fat I DON’T THINK SO!

4. Ever paid for sex?
Haha, nope.

5. Ever been married?
To many.

6. Ever been divorced?
Nope.

7. If you had to pick one what’s your fav. sexual position?
Don’t have one. Virgin.

8. Do you own any guns?
Nope.

9. Ever done more than 30 days in jail?
Haven’t been in jail.

10. Ever been in rehab?
This question brings up that horrible Amy Winehouse song. But no.

11. Have you ever had any sexual experiences with the same sex?
Nope.

12. Ever have sex with anyone that you met on myspace?
My goodness, all these sex questions! Nope.

13. Last time you masturbated?
I’ve NEVER masturbated!

14. Do you think Arnold could beat up Chuck Norris?
Chuck is the man, so no.

15. What celebrity would you want to have sex with if you had the chance?
Ah…you don’t want to know.

16. Ever been unemployed for over a year since becoming an adult?
Oh yeah. I’m Slacker Central when it comes to employment.

17. How many states have you lived in?
Uno!

18. How many countries have you lived in?
Uno!

19. Do you keep a weapon under or next to your bed at night?
Does my butt count?

20. What celebrity would you want to beat up if you had the chance?
Aw, violence is not the answer.

21. Ever rolled into the harsh ghetto to buy drugs?
Every Tuesday with my homies.

22. Ever cheated on someone?
NEVER.

23. Ever been paid for sex?
Never been offered. But the answer would be no.

24. Ever hired a SPY to follow someone?
Nope.

24 1/2. Ever been the SPY?
A few times…

25. Ever bang your friend?
Haha! Nope.

27. Do you think Mr. Rogers really was a pervert or do you think he just really liked kids?
My mom didn’t like Mr. Rogers. Therefore, I’ve never really watched him.

28. O.J. Simpson….did he do it?
Most likely.

29. Fake tits or real tits?
Real, please. Oh, me? Yeah, they’re real.

30. Ever watch someone die?
My grandpa, yes.

31. How long has it been since you had sex?
19 years and counting.

32. Name your favorite beer?
I don’t drink, either.

33. If you could have free plastic surgery what would you get?
Third eye! Third eye!

34. Truthfully – does size matter?
No freaking clue.