I don’t know about any of you, but I think some of Facebook’s gifts are a little…odd. So I have decided to review the ones that fall into these two categories:

1) Obscure
2) Not as Obscure But Pretty Weird Nonetheless

Okay! ONWARD!

Category One

“Basketball TP”

Okay, is there some sort of sports metaphor I’m missing on this one? I understand there’s toilet paper, and I understand there are basketballs…but the two together? Basketball-printed toilet paper? I assume you use this to TP the Facebook page of the head of the basketball team.

“Evil Eye”

This one’s just weird. At first I thought it was one of those zipper pull thingies you see on the ends of zippers, but then I wasn’t quite sure. And why, if it indeed is an “evil eye”, would you give it as a gift?

“Summer Pig”

Agh! What the hell is it?! This thing scared the crap outta me! I figured it was a pig, but it’s the most deformed pig I’ve ever seen. And since when did pigs wear swimming suits that only covered the first pair of nipples?

“Blue Spheres”

Is this a video game thing? This is the only possible definition I can think of for these blue bubble-like things that look like they’ve been poorly enlarged in MS Paint. And I can’t find any other explanation for wanting to give the gift of pixilated spheres to anyone.

“Matzah”

This is, supposedly, “Matzah”, whatever Matzah is. It isn’t recognized by Microsoft Word. Ah, I see, it’s a Hebrew thing. I get it now. But here’s the weird thing, Facebook—Matzah (also known as “Matzo”) normally comes in ball form. I see that Facebook has this as well, but to have a large square of it as a gift that resembles, to me, a saltine cracker, is kind of odd, don’t you think?

Category 2

“Boy v. Dog”

Ah, the male version of the Coppertone ads! This is just weird. I understand it…I think…but it is very weird. Show us that butt!!

The Scrabble Love Series

I just don’t understand why Facebook is trying to cheat you out of $4 with Scrabble “LOVE” when you can just give them the Screw for only a buck. Maybe it’s a representation of the idea that sex is cheaper than love, or something like that. At least they got the Scrabble values correct.

Yeah, I’m bored. Can you tell?