1. What would you take from your house if you knew it would be flooded tomorrow?
I would drag my dresser out of the house because 99% of all my possessions are contained within it. And my computer. I’d put that on top.

2. If you could erase anything you ever said to anyone, what would it be?
Alexander Hamilton’s saying, “sure Aaron, I’ll duel you, what the hell.”

3. You’re stuck in a room for an hour with a chalkboard, what do you draw on it?
I wouldn’t draw. I would equate unrelated topics via mathematic formulas infinitely or until I solved the mysteries of the universe.

4. The theme song for your life is called?
SexyBack. Come on, you had to see that one coming.

5. If your life were a movie, what category would it be in?
Comedy/drama/one of those sub-par documentaries that could be classified as a comedy.

6. Something you wish to accomplish before the end of the year
Maintain my 4.0.

7. How much does it take to make you laugh?
Sometimes, a freaking lot. Most often, not much at all.

8. How many sheep do you want on your farm?
Oh, I’d say a good twenty’ll do, course the winter sickness will be rough on the young ‘uns and…wait, what?

9. Which Wizard of Oz character are you most like?
The Tin Man! The TIN MAN!!!

10. You learn through mistakes, what mistake are you glad you made?
I hate making mistakes. Yeah, blah, blah, blah, you learn from them, but they still suck.

11. Would you ever run naked in the rain with your love?
Of course! My love would love me more for it, too.

12. Do you think giant anacondas really have a purpose on this earth?
Yes. They eat the hypothetical sheep on my hypothetical farm.

13. Which is WORSE…15 pounds underweight or overweight?
15 pounds underweight.

14. Do you like eating ice cream out of the carton?
Actually, I don’t think I’ve ever done this.

15. Do you find it gross to share drinks with family or friends?
BLAH! Yes. I do this rarely if at all.

16. Does the world revolve around you?
On occasion, when I’m feeling particularly narcissistic and god-like.

17. Is everyone equally important to the world?
Yes.

18. Do some people truly deserve to die?
I don’t know, actually.

19. If the world comes to an end…how do you think it will go?
Bright lights, dolphins, cappibaras with alcoholic drinks, and George W. Bush.

20. Will artificial intelligence help better or destroy the world?
I could guarantee that artificial intelligence could run the U.S. better than no intelligence at all. Oh snap!

21. How long does it take you to get out of bed in the morning?
Well, I set one alarm for 7:00, another for 7:23, and the last for 7:30. But then I’m up for good.

22. How important is it for us to find other planets, resources and life?
Depends on how much we screw up our earth.

23. What do you think well use other planets for in the future?
I recommend that we claim at least one planet as Porno Planet, another as Danish Haven, and a third as a planet-grave-memorial for Millard Fillmore.

24. Do you think emptying our trash, pollution, and waste on the moon is okay?
Oh, by all means, let’s start polluting the universe more than we already have! Hell, it’s all there for our use and our use alone, anyways!
If you can’t detect the sarcasm, you need serious help.

25. What do you think about California?
I think it’s right manly! Manly and proper, like a crumpet infused with testosterone!

26. Is it important to you to always stay (live) close to family?
Not particularly.

27. Why are slasher films entertaining?
I don’t know. Are they?

28. Do you think it would be a good idea if dinosaurs were reborn?
Jurassic Park gone global? That would be fun/tragic!

29. What do you think about Tennessee?
I think it’s a right proper state, that.

30. What kind of animal do you think the world could live without?
Um, humans?

31. If someone invented glasses that can see through things, would you buy it?
If said glasses could see through things, what exactly could they see? I mean, I’m assuming that if it can see through things, what couldn’t it see through? What would there be left to see?

32. If you were a spider where would you crawl away and live?
My spidey-hole, where my Spidey-sense would tingle constantly and oh my goodness that sounds really dirty.

33. What do you think about pop ups? Is there a way to get rid of them?
I think they suck. You get rid of them by clicking the little ‘x’. Or throwing the computer across the room.

34. Would you prefer to be emotionless, so you didn’t have to feel heartbreak?
YES.

35. When you die, and if you become an angel, who will you watch over?
I don’t believe angels exist. But if they did and I died and I became one, I would watch over William Shatner. Cause he rocks the socks off of me.

36. If when you die, you become a ghost, would you try to contact your loved ones?
Oh heck yes! I’d get on the Discovery Channel, I’d haunt so much!

37. Would you want to haunt anyone? Who?
See above. William Shatner.

38. What does everyone live for? Could it be love?
We live to procreate. The philosophical ramifications of this question are too great to be answered in this simple survey.

40. Are emotions what make people desire to thrive and live?
No! It is our drive to make the babies!

41. Is there a way to solve world hunger that we are ignoring?
Probably. Like dropping mass amounts of Campbell’s soup cans over impoverished areas.

42. What was (God’s) reason for our creation? What does he expect us to accomplish?
God does not exist.

43. What do you think should be added to planes? Vending machines?
Haha, I love this survey. Vending machines would be interesting, but so would snakes. And Samuel Jackson.

44. Do you have a weak stomach for watching animals consume each other?
I don’t think so.

45. Do you think it’s important to conserve the rainforest?
Why of course it is!

46. Why do people move to Tornado country, when their homes will be destroyed?
Because Tornado country’s where it’s hot! I want to be a storm chaser.

47. Will technology move us forward in life or take us back to the beginning?
First one, then the other.

48. I know not what WWIII will be fought with, but WWIV will be fought with sticks and stones. What do you think of this quote?
I find it thought-provoking. But then I think it could be wrong; if WWIII is so bad, wouldn’t there be no one left to fight WWIV?

49. Do you have any quotes of your own that you admire?
My quotes or others’ quotes? Yes, but I can’t think of them right now. It’s 3:00 in the morning.

50. If you could go back in time to the dinosaur era, would you take a visit?
What’s with the dinosaurs? Wouldn’t that like, rip a hole in the universe to boot?

51. Which Holiday pretend character do you wish really existed?
Santa! He’s the MAN!

52. If leprechauns existed what would the world be like?
Like it is now, cause they do exist, right? RIGHT?!

53. Mistakes help you learn, but are there some you regret making?
Of course.

54. Do you often make the same mistake twice? Three times? Constantly?
No, actually. I’m pretty good with that.