There’s this misconception that the phrase “S.O.S.” stands for “Save Our Ship”. However, the theory goes that the letters “s” and “o” are easiest to type out in Morse code (all dots for one and all dashes for the other), hence the reason they were chosen. I guess people wouldn’t want to be typing out, “Good day, fellow sea-farers. We are in need of assistance and we would appreciate you good fellows helping us out of a tough situation. Cheerio!” I mean, it just makes sense.

However, just because there’s this theory about what S.O.S. means doesn’t necessarily mean that that’s what is really stands for.

So I shall take it upon myself to list several “alternative” meanings of S.O.S.

And…go!

– Skim Our Soy Milk
– Spay Our Spaniel
– Sauce Our Spaghetti
– Spank Our Stripper
– Stomach Our Sauerkraut
– Stand Our Stench
– Spell Out “Sequester”
– Sanctity Of Sex (it’s in the Bible!)
– Slough Off Scabs (ew.)
– Sleep Off Sedatives
– See Our Sex-Parts

That’s all I could get right now–mainly cause it’s late and my eyes itch from allergies.

Which one’s your favorite? Vote now to be eligible to win $1 million!*

*Actual chances of winning: 1:1.0385030284 x 10²⁸. This is due mainly to the fact that I do not have $1 million, nor do I have any way to obtain this large sum of money. Do you honestly think that if I had $1 million that I would be sitting here at 10:30 at night writing about the possible meaning of “S.O.S.”?” Me neither. I’ll shut up now.