DaleRiver
So Nate has decided to subject himself to the utter madness that is post-season-1 Riverdale. I guess we watched through most of season 2 together before he bailed the first time (I, as you know, am a true Riverdale fan through and through and made it through the WHOLE GODDAMN SEVEN SEASONS OF MADNESS), but I guess my not-at-all-exaggerated descriptions of some of the later shenanigans won him over and we’re giving it a second shot.
(Nate, you have no idea what you’re doing. Turn back now.)
Anyway, since we’re diving back in, have some “Riverdale as vines” videos. I know I’ve posted the first one on here before, but there are more.
That Black Hood one at 0:26 is so accurate, hahaha. 3:04, too.
1:40, hahaha.
OH JEEBUS, NEW RIVERDALE
The hot mess that is Riverdale has a new season that is, most likely, a hot mess.
Apparently the town gets transported back to the 1950s? I don’t even know.
But I guess if Cheryl can absorb everyone’s superpowers and then use her Phoenix power to BLOW UP A COMET, anything’s possible.
(Yes, that happened.)
Riverdale, man
So Riverdale has, somehow, gotten even weirder.* They’re now in like some sort of alternate universe (?) town called Rivervale, which I thought would just be a one-episode thing but it’s been going on for a few episodes now. Rivervale Cheryl sacrificed Rivervale Archie, so he’s dead, but that’s not even the weirdest thing.
Like, let me describe this dream I had last night just to give you an idea of how weird things have gotten. In the dream, all the characters are fighting one another one-on-one. Jughead is fighting Reggie, and in the middle of this flaming metal arena, Jughead looks menacingly at Reggie and mutters, “say hello to Elizabeth for me.” And Reggie’s like, “who’s Elizabeth?” Then Jughead looks down at this raw chicken that’s just sitting on the ground, pulls a whip out of god knows where, and whips the raw chicken. This makes the chicken explode, launching Reggie across the arena and into the wall. And in answer to Reggie’s question, Jughead nods at the half-exploded raw chicken and says, “her.”
And when I woke up, I had to really think about whether that was all a dream or if that was actually part of the episode I’d watched yesterday.
It’s that weird now.
Edit: and now the LITERAL DEVIL is in Rivervale because PFFFFFT FUCK IT
Edit again from like six episodes later: WHAT IN THE HELLING HELL IS THIS SHOW ANYMORE
*Yes, I’m still watching Riverdale because I have trash taste. Deal.
A dream that’s NOT horrible or terrifying? I’ll take it!
We now take a break from our regularly scheduled dream programming of “here’s how the world will end!” to bring you a dream that’s actually not horrifying!
YAY!
So last night I dreamt that the sheriff from Stranger Things wasn’t actually the sheriff in Stranger Things but was instead a guy trying to be the sheriff of Riverdale.
(Yes, I’m still watching Riverdale. No, I am not ashamed. Yes, it is weirder than ever.)
In order to become the sheriff, though, he must win a karaoke contest that’s held over a radio station. He’s all set for this, but on the day of the contest, his voice is all scratchy and messed up so he can’t sing. But never fear! At the radio station, he pulls out a ventriloquist’s dummy and says that while he cannot sing, the dummy can. And the dummy does indeed to a decent rendition of “I Was On a Boat That Day” and wins the karaoke contest.
Well, technically the dummy wins the contest, which means the dummy becomes the sheriff and the guy becomes the deputy sheriff.
Yeah.
DAAAAAAAAAALE
I have no idea how many of my readers watch Riverdale (or watched it back when it was relatively sane*), but this video was in my recommended today and I can’t stop laughing at the accuracy.
That black hood one, oh my god.
*First season = typical teen drama TV, not too bad; second season = WTF
Edit: OH MY GOD SEASON THREE WHAT DRUGS DID YOU TAKE AND CAN I HAVE SOME
Eigenblogger 