How do you ease anxiety?
Ha. Though that said “how do you EAT anxiety?” WITH A SPORK!

Do you know anyone who enjoys getting mosquito bites?
Premiering this week on TLC: XTREME FETISHES! Episode 1: Malaria Hysteria!

Do you think TLC has too many shows about big families and midgets?
HAHAHA I totally responded to the previous question before looking at this one.

Do you ever hang out with other people outside of your group of friends?
I don’t have a group of friends.

When was the last time you had a Jolly Rancher?
Last night!

Do you know anyone whose birthday is in August?
Like four people.

Do you have a headache right now?
Yeah, actually. Anticipation stress blows.

Do you pretend to be scared of thunderstorms to get attention?
I run around naked in thunderstorms to get attention.

Does the sound of crunchy [food] bother you?
Nope.

How often do you get heartburn?
THE ATRIA…THEY BUUUUUUUUURN! (not often)

Have you ever experienced contagious yawning?
Who hasn’t?

Have you ever rode in a topless car?
No. I don’t think so, at least.

What caused you to be angry last?
A discourteous “neighbor.”

Would you marry someone if they were unable to have sex?
Yup.

Don’t you hate it when a survey repeats a question?
Yup. (Don’t you hate it when a survey taker repeats an answer?)

Where’s your favorite coffee shop?
Coffee isn’t my cup of tea. HO HO I’M FUNNY TONIGHT.

What’s your opinion on cinnamon rolls?
I cannot think of them without thinking of Metalocalypse. That damn show has ruined my life.

Do you enjoy baking, or even cooking in general?
I do indeed. I’m bad at it, but I do it anyway!

Have you ever taken a bath with someone?
As a little kid, yeah.

What’s your grandma’s name?
Mom’s side: Joyce (but she’s dead to me, so who cares)
Dad’s side: Emily (she’s awesome)

When was the last time you had ice cream?
A very long time ago.

Think of the last person who said I love you, do you think they meant it?
Hopefully!

Where is your biological father right now?
Sleeping.

Do you have any freckles?
I do now that I’ve been out walking during daylight.

Do you like orange juice?
GOD NO. Arrogant pulpy nastiness.

Who did you last eat at a sit-down restaurant with?
Uh…good question.

How many bedrooms are there in your house?
Four?

Have you ever tried to find friends from elementary school online?
That’s called Facebook.

What kind of home do you hope to have when you’re older?
Is it mine? Am I living alone? Then I’m good to go.

Do you call it a buggy or a cart?
Cart.

Did you watch the Cosby Show when you were younger?
Nope.

How often do you check your e-mail?
Probably not as often as I should.

What color do you think best describes your personality?
Think of the gaudiest color you can. That’s me.

Have you ever built a sandcastle?
Yup.

Would you rather live in a world like Harry Potter or Lord of the Rings?
Neither, please.

Do you enjoy doing crafts?
I prefer arts.

When was the last time you rented a movie?
A very long time.

If you could be any videogame character, who would you be?
GORDON FREEMAN HANDS DOWN WHERE’S MY CROWBAR DAMMIT THIS IS NOT A DRILL

(The preceding is an example of why friends don’t let friends give Claudia Red Bull.)