HOLY CRAP, I just found the best genre of music EVER.

It’s called “math rock” and it’s weirder than hell. I was surfing the Clock Crew forums (the forum where the philosophical question about the farts was) and was reading the “what are your favorite songs?” thread.

This one guy posted a song called Atlas, by Battles, and said it was a really good dance song. I, of course, always in need of good dance song, decided to download it and listen to it.

Let me tell you something. If LSD were music, it would be math rock.

These are the lyrics to that song:
People won’t be people when they hear this sound
That’s been glowing in the dark at the edge of town
People won’t be people, no
The people won’t be people when they hear this sound
Won’t you show me what begins at the edge of town
The singer is a crook Woah-ay-oh
The singer is a crook Woah-ay-oh
The singer is a crook Woah-ay-oh
The singer is a crook Woah-ay-oh
The kitchen is the cook Woah-ay-oh
The scissors are the barbers Woah-ay-oh
The singer is a crook Woah-ay-oh
The chorus, full of actors* Woah-ay-oh

*The chorus doesn’t matter (last verse)

Now imagine these lyrics in an electronically-altered falsetto. With a duration of a little over 7 minutes.

The next time somebody asks me if I have a pair of scissors they can borrow, I’m going to scream “THE SCISSORS ARE THE BARBERS!” and run off in the opposite direction.

I’m awesome.