Doesn’t this sound like a survey I’d write? I think it does. But really, I didn’t! Anyways, I haven’t done a survey in awhile. So here we go!

Seventeen Random Questions
1. Are you keeping a secret?
Yes. But probably not for long, because it’s something people need to know about me.

2. If you could be any historical figure for one day and one day only, who would you be?
Voltaire. Fucking genius.

3. If you could be any fictional character for the rest of your life, who would you be?
Ooh, that’s tough. I know he dies, but I’d think it very awesome if I could be Jay Gatsby. Or Captain Queeg. They’re both good.

4. What is your opinion on nude photographs/nude photography?
I’m lookin’ for a photographer, dangit! Where the hell are all the offers?!

5. What class would you marry if you had to marry a class you’re taking right now?
TESTS AND MEASUREMENTS! TESTS AND MEASUREMENTS!

6. What is your dream career?
My dream career? That will never, ever happen? To be called up after I get my PhD by the McMurdo Station down in Antarctica and be asked to come live down there as the resident psychologist for all the people at the base. Holy crap. Best. Job. Ever.

7. Would you ever get a butt augmentation?
My dear survey, if my butt were to grow in size even another millimeter, Hubble’s orbit would shift and it would begin year-long revolutions around it.

8. Earth: how many more years until we fuck it up beyond the point of no return?
We’ve probably done it already, actually.

9. Can you find the derivative of f(x) = x⁵?
Yes. f'(x) = 5x⁴.

10. Alright smart one, take your IQ and subtract your weight from it. What do you get?
56.

11. You’re given the responsibility of going back in time and dropping something into the primordial soup. What do you throw in there?
William Shatner! That oughta liven things up.

12. What’s the sexiest musical instrument?
Trombone, baby!

13. How many movies can you quote verbatim by heart?
Too many. Basically, every movie I’ve seen more than twice.

14.Throw me a sexual secret of yours, right here and now!
Um, I can be kinky? I think?

15. What is the one thing you would change about your life this very moment?
This very moment in space and time? Not a thing.

16.Ever written a play to be produced?
Yes, actually. What an out-there question.

17. Does it bother you that this survey has 17 questions and not a nice, round number like 15 or 20?
You have no idea.