Why hello again! We’ve been doing this little back-and-forth for quite some time now, haven’t we (assuming this isn’t the first time you’ve read my blog)? Anyway, I’ve decided to give you all a little list of what college has really taught me. It’s short. That should tell you something right there.

What College Has Taught Me:

1. How to make normal phone calls
Sounds strange, doesn’t it? Well, it’s true. Before college I always used to have to write down everything I had to say before picking up a phone to make a call. I mean literally I would write down every word to say to every question I could think of that they would ask during a conversation (luckily I was never caught off-guard!). College, however, made me make several impromptu phone calls over the months and gradually I’ve gotten better. I only now need to write down some stuff. So if I ever call you/leave a message and my voice sounds shaky, I’m not crying (surprisingly) I’m just nervous.

2. The knee bone is connected to the brain bone
I swear, every time I hurt my knee within a relatively short time before a test (yes, this happened more than once) I did very well on said test. It’s uncanny. I’m writing a book.

3. My play-writing style is like that of Chekov crossed with Mad TV
Thank you theatre class for putting on my (crappy) play!

4. My short story-writing style is like that of Camus
Or, in my own words, “a schizophrenic on crack” (no offense to Camus—I just think that more accurately describes how I write)

5. Reading for pleasure is about as good as it gets
I knew this already; the fact that I wasn’t able to do so for nine months just confirmed it.

6. Marching band people are the best people in the world
Seriously. Matt, Maggie, Beau, all of you—you’re awesome.

7. Seven hours straight in the Ag Sci computer lab will mess with your head.
Dear god, the chairs revolted against my dictatorship! What more proof do you need?!

8. Seven hours straight of studying for four tests will result in this.

9. I have improved my time-wasting efficiency 250%!
Woo! I can now get more done while wasting time and yet still have more stuff to do the next day when I’m wasting time again!

10. To become obsessed with Millard Fillmore is to come one step closer to utter happiness
This isn’t directly related to college, but honestly, half this list is me just rambling anyway.

Things I already knew that were further affirmed by college life:
~group work sucks
~the U of I is incompetent
~incompetence sucks
~math is POINTLESS!
~I would rather gouge out my eyeballs and sell them as bouncy balls to young children on the streets than do any more math
~I would rather perform my own tonsillectomy and sell my excavated tonsils as decorative mistletoe accessories than do any more math
~I hate math (have I mentioned this?)
~band rocks
~I’m strange