I’m surprised I haven’t done this yet:

MY RANKING OF THE ZODIAC!! I hope I don’t insult anyone…

1. Aquarius—Mozart. Chekov. Lincoln. Darwin. What do all these kick-ass dudes have in common? THEY’RE AQUARIANS! Aquarians seemed to be destined either for greatness (Mozart) or great disaster (Dan Quayle). Either way, you’ve got an interesting character! Win!

2. Scorpio—with the nickname of, “the sex sign”, how could I NOT put Scorpio second on the list? Favorite activities include having sex, thinking about sex, and thinking about sex with someone other than the person with whom they are currently having sex. Favorite numbers include 69 and 96. Favorite letters are X, X, and X. I love these guys.

3. Leo—ah, yes…the “but enough about me, what do you think about me?” people. The narcissists. How could one not love a narcissist (especially the narcissist himself)? They like the mirror rooms at the fair. They like to masturbate.
Um…yeah.
I think I’ve run this one into the ground.

4. Capricorn—what the hell is a “sea goat?” It’s like a Pisces mated with a Sagittarius or something. Hmm…a fish getting it on with a centaur…
Okay, that’s done with.  Except for my dad, all the Capricorn’s I’ve met (all three of them!) have been pretty cool.

5. Taurus—these people seem to cling to me, for some reason. What’s up with that? Why do I get along with Taureans so well? Maybe it’s because they’re so nice—or maybe because, deep down, they know that I’m just full of bull.
NOTE: do not attempt to run down the streets of Spain while being chased by these guys. You’ll get messed up.

6. Libra—haha, Librans. There are the good ones—my cat—and the annoying ones—Aneel’s brother. Some are vindictive and needy in a good way, others are vindictive and needy in the typical way the words “vindictive” and “needy” are perceived. Haha, Librans. Love ’em.

7. Virgo—The obsessive-compulsive, nit-picky, hypochondriac of the zodiac group. Either you love ’em or you hate ’em. Unless you are one, and in that case, you’re probably too busy making sure the margins of this blog are in the correct format to actually read what I wrote.

8. Pisces—I honestly don’t have anything against Pisces…I just can never spell “Pisces” correctly.

9. Aries—Mr. Hothead. Mr. A.D.D. These guys are great. Candida’s an Aries, which explains away a freaking lot of her screeching. If all Aries are like Candida, then the whole world will go completely deaf in approximately 7 years.

10. Gemini—I’ve only met one Gemini, so I don’t really have much to base my argument off of. Therefore, Gemini goes right under the last sign (of which I’ve met more than two people)

11. Cancer—Kinda in the same situation as Gemini, only worse—I’ve never met a Cancer (well, of course I have, but not for a long enough period to get to know them). So here they sit—in 11^th place, just because I’ve never made contact with one.

12. Sagittarius—I’ve met a Sagittarius. I’ve met many of them. I have yet to figure one of these people out. Seriously. No consistent traits whatsoever. People of every other sign share at least one similar trait—at least, they do in my eyes. But not the little Sagittarians. Are they fickle? Are the neat-freaks? Are they psychopaths? Who knows? I certainly don’t.