# Pi Day!

I had to. I’m so sorry.

Pi Day (sung to the tune of Rebecca Black’s Friday)

March 14th, waking up in the morning
Something’s goin’ down, but I can’t tell what
Gotta pack my bag, gotta go to class
Takin’ a glance at the calendar
Lookin’ at the date, gettin’ all excited
Gotta go get my math homework
Gotta do my trig, Gotta do geometry

Seeing circles on the page
Circumferences are all the rage
e, phi, zeta, K,
Which constant should I use?

It’s Pi Day, Pi Day
Gotta get down on Pi Day
Everybody’s lookin’ out for the area, area
Pi Day, Pi Day
Doin’ math on Pi Day
Everybody’s solvin’ problems for the area

Algebra, algebra (yeah)
Calculus, calculus (yeah)
Math, math, math, math

1:59 is the time we wait for
Gotta celebrate, best day of the year
Think circumference
I got this, you got this
Just type it, calculate it
Now you know it

Seeing circles on the page
Diameters are all the rage
e, phi, zeta, K,
Which constant should I use?

It’s Pi Day, Pi Day
Gotta get down on Pi Day
Everybody’s lookin’ out for the area, area
Pi Day, Pi Day
Doin’ math on Pi Day
Everybody’s solvin’ problems for the area

Algebra, algebra (yeah)
Calculus, calculus (yeah)
Math, math, math, math

Yesterday was boring, boring
But today is Pi Day, Pi Day
We-we-we so excited
We so excited
We gonna do some math today
Tomorrow it’s over
But July 22nd’s soon
I don’t want this party to end

3.14159
So useful of a number
Transcendental
See spheres, find volumes
Wit’ my pi up on my side
In my free time I do some geometry
Pi r squared, r squared, wanna cheer
Check my date, it’s Pi Day, it’s a great day
We gonna do math, c’mon, c’mon, y’all

It’s Pi Day, Pi Day
Gotta get down on Pi Day
Everybody’s lookin’ out for the area, area
Pi Day, Pi Day
Doin’ math on Pi Day
Everybody’s solvin’ problems for the area

Algebra, algebra (yeah)
Calculus, calculus (yeah)
Math, math, math, math
It’s Pi Day, Pi Day
Gotta get down on Pi Day
Everybody’s solvin’ problems for the area
Pi Day, Pi Day
Doin’ math on Pi Day
Everybody’s solvin’ problems for the area

Algebra, algebra (yeah)
Calculus, calculus (yeah)
Math, math, math, math
Everybody’s solvin’ problems for the area

Difficult to do because HORRIBLE SONG. Pi deserves better, so here’s my other math-related parody.

Epic.

# Piece of Pi

Boredom + Rock Band + geekiness = this.

Piece of Pi (sung, of course, to Boston’s Peace of Mind)
Now if you’re feelin’ kinda low ‘bout the math you’ve been doing
And you need a break but somehow you keep calculatin’
Solution’s something you need to know

Chorus
And I don’t care if I can’t derive
People livin’ with long division
All I want is to know a piece of pi

Now you’re tryin’ to find the key to this integration
Thought you knew this all by heart
There are so many techniques that you are now debatin’
Try some integration by parts

[Chorus]

Take the log of x!
Take the log of x!
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeahhh!

[Guitar solo needs no math puns!]

Now everybody’s all hung up ‘bout this 5-by-5 matrix
Actin’ like a bunch of fools
Seems like they forgot all of the algebra tricks
Why don’t they just use Cramer’s Rule?

[Chorus]

Take the log of x!
Take the log of x!
LOG OF X!!!

Yeah.

# I LEFT MY HEART IN SAN FRANSISCO OH SHI—*collapses*

Haha, oh man, this is great. If you’ve ever seen the ShamWow! commercials, you will love this.

“Sham-fuckin’-wow.”

# U Can’t Prove This

OH MY GOD I SURVIVED SYMBOLIC LOGIC.

So in celebration of this, I wrote a song.

It’s sung to the tune of—of course—M.C. Hammer’s U Can’t Touch This.

Oh, and Dr. O’Rourke, if you EVER happen upon this for some reason, I want you to know that this is totally proof (ha! Get it?) that your class had an impact on me and that I loved it. This is dedicated to all of us who, for some reason or another, take a long time to wrap our heads around proofs. Where the free time to write this drivel comes from, I will never know.
Onward!

“U Can’t Prove This”

U can’t prove this
U can’t prove this
U can’t prove this
U can’t prove this

My, my, my, Symbolic Logic, it’s so hard
Makes me say oh my Lord
It seems okay when you’re doing truth tables,
Translations, worlds, you feel quite able
But then you get to problem set four
Crap like you’ve never seen before
Gone are the days of logic bliss
You throw up your hands and say, “u can’t prove this”

I told you, freshman, u can’t prove this
Yeah that’s how we’re graded and you know, u can’t prove this
Look at this statement man, u can’t prove this

Yo let me bust the logic lyrics, u can’t prove this

Boole and Tarsky, Wittgenstein
You start missin’ these guys when you enter the land
Who knew philosophy could kick your ass?
Can’t prove a thing without some guidance
Wish you’d taken computer science
But now you’re stuck
You know this class is gonna test your luck
Make it known you can’t get the groove

That this is a statement you can’t prove

Yo I told you, u can’t prove this
Why you standing there man, u can’t prove this
Yo sharpen your pencil, logic class is startin’, u can’t prove this

Then you start to understand
The relief you feel is oh, so grand
But then Prof says, “oh there’s more”
Gives new rules, subproofs galore
And now you’re screwed
Just when you thought your struggle was subdued

You’ve got this “if, then…”
So you go through the pain all over again
Assume P, or not P?
Who the hell knows, it’s all Greek to me

It’s hard because you know
U can’t prove this
U can’t prove this
Break it down!

Stop. Logic time.

Go with the flowchart it is said
If you can’t prove the former than you’re probably gonna dread
These quants—they’re real tough

Of these rules—they’re absurd
What do they expect, you’re no logic nerd
Backwards E’s and upturned A’s

A, B, C, D, F, yeah, u can’t prove this
Look man, u can’t prove this
You’d better do the extra credit, boy, ‘cause you know you can’t prove this

Ring the bell, it’s logic time, break it down!

Stop. Logic time.

U can’t prove this
U can’t prove this
U can’t prove this

Break it down!

Stop. Logic time.

Every time they see you, you’re working on these proofs
You’re hunting like a bloodhound, a modus pollens sleuth

Now how could you ever increase your proving speed
When you can’t seem to prove concisely what you need
You’ve done so much already, there’s so much more to do
It’s subproof new subproof ‘nother subproof twelve subproofs and you’re hardly half way through

U can’t prove this
U can’t prove this
U can’t prove this
Yeah, u can’t prove this
I told you, u can’t prove this
Too hard can’t prove this

Get me outta here, I can’t prove this

People underestimate the genius of Weird Al. This is hard. And it doesn’t help that this song is like five minutes long.

# Asterisk!

Okay. It’s Friday and I don’t have any classes today, meaning I’m even more bored than I have been. This is what came out of said boredom. Apologies to Mr. Timberlake; I hope Sexy doesn’t cause you too much trouble.

“Easy Mac” (sung to—what else?—the tune of “Sexyback”)
[Verse 1]

I’m making Easy Mac
There’s macaroni and a cheesy pack
I think it’s quite a little handy snack
But if I don’t brush it’ll give me plaque
Take ‘em to the bridge

[Bridge]
Microwave
It’s so much easier
I ain’t no slave
To boil water I’m just not that brave
So this new Easy Mac is what I crave
Take ‘em to the chorus

[Chorus]
Mix it up
In the cup
M-A-C
It’s for me
3:30
Look at the cheese
It makes me smile
It’s the new style
Making Easy Mac
Making Easy Mac

[Repeat 6 times]
Making Easy Mac

[Verse 2]
I’m making Easy Mac
It’s so insane I have to double back
Watch it spin ’round and then come right on back
It’s burning up I gotta get it fast!
Take ‘em to the bridge

[Bridge]

[Chorus]

[Verse 3]
I’m making Easy Mac
It’s so tasty I’m taken aback
I hope it doesn’t cause a bad attack
Cause if it does I will bring Sexy back
Take ‘em to the chorus

[Chorus]