Dr. Jones and Dr. Free are BACK IN BUSINESS
30 minutes of top-notch surgery. I love Michael and Gavin so much.
And here’s all of the AH boys playing WWE ’13, because oh my god.
Pokemon!
I miss my Pokemon cards. I should have kept them. Foolish Claudia!
I’m a psychic-psychic, which is awesome, ‘cause I love the psychic Pokemon. Can I be Alakazam? I always thought Alakazam was awesome.
Or Drowzee.
“Puts enemies to sleep then eats their dreams.”
I totally do that.
Also, look at this dude and tell me there’s not a resemblance:
Also, this is relevant to today.
Much Ado About Bacon (or, Claudia Plays Oregon Trail III)
I can’t remember the last time I played The Oregon Trail. But I do remember that for whatever reason, I had made it my goal with each play-through to accumulate as much bacon as possible while still surviving* the trip.
Oregon Trail III (I think) had a journal feature in which you could write about your harrowing transcontinental journey. This is a saved excerpt from one of my bacon-driven travels way back when I used to have Oregon Trail on one of our computers. So who knows how old this is. Enjoy.
I now have 500 and some odd lbs. of bacon. I NEED MORE!
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I NEED BACON!!!! BACONBACONBACON!!!
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I cannot write the date today because I am severely weakened from lack of bacon…
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Bacon!
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I traded a pair of boots for 5 lbs. of bacon. If you ask me, these people have a severe bacon shortage–this must be investigated! (P.S. Who would trade their bacon for a measly pair of boots?!)
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I traded yet another pair of boots for 10 lbs. of bacon. These people don’t seem to understand the importance of bacon and are easily coaxed into trading some sort of clothing or aloe for their precious pig meat.
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Much success today!! I went into fort Kearny and got 22 LBS OF BACON!! Talk about a deal. Then we circled the wagons and I traded one of my chickens for 14 lbs. of bacon. But I did have a problem: there’s this one lady in our “wagon circles” who seems to be some sort of vegetarian–she never has any bacon! Actually, she could be some sort of bacon activist, and is hoarding her bacon in a secret bag wrapped in tin foil to soil the smell in her wagon. Hmm…
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A snake bit Jeff Goldsmith. I was generous and gave him a piece of my precious bacon to rub on the wound. Of course, he got better instantly. BACON CONQUERS ALL!
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Anna Tillman should have never agreed to come on this trip. She’s a wuss! First, while I’m hunting, she gets in my way and I shoot her! Then she discovers a truly brilliant plan of catching Cholera so’s we can pay extra special attention to her. Real dang smart. Then she gets shot again and is visited by the angel of infection. And if that wasn’t enough, she ATE SOME OF MY BACON!! ARRRRRRRRRGH!
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What’s-her-face from yesterday’s entry’s got a cold.
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You know, I don’t think Oregon’s so great anyway. If these guys we’re traveling with aren’t bringing bacon west, then what’s the point of settling the west?
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You know what this trail needs? A Jack-in-the-Box.
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ANOTHER shooting? Seriously? I thought by this date in history they’d invented aiming.
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I am so sick of this!!!! I WANNA GO HOME!!!!
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Let’s do the cholera dance! I have EIGHTY pounds of bacon.
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Wait. FIFTY pounds of bacon?? Something somewhere went horribly wrong. Anna Tillman, explain yourself!
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You know, if these people hoarded bacon like any smart individual would, we wouldn’t HAVE cholera issues, now would we? But nooooooooooo….
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What’s-her-face from 2 entries above died. Too bad; she was a fisherwoman. Dang, the gal could catch fish.
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Even though we suffered a death, the rest of us are all in excellent health! Even her husband! I asked him if he would like me to sit him down for some one-on-one counseling, so I could make sure he was okay, but he just said, “Naw. If you’ll excuse me, I’m gonna go snatch Anna darlin’s anvil. Since she won’t be needin’ it!” He seems emotionally fine.
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I gave him bacon. I think he’s even BETTER now.
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Okay. This lady we keep circling the wagons with, the bacon lady, still hasn’t got any bacon!!!!!! I’ve tried and tried but I haven’t got any out of her. Why do we keep circling our wagons with this family?!?! Wait….maybe they’re stalking us!!!! Oh great. Now I’m REALLY worried…
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Bacon Lady’s got no bacon!
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Okay. Seriously. Why don’t these people we camp with have bacon. It’s like a food group, and they’re lacking it. No WONDER people are dying like flies!
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Dysentry: the other white meat.
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What’s wrong with this stinkin’ trip?!? First, there’s this bear that gets in the way of a deer I was gonna shoot. So I shot the bear. I was sure there was going to be a mauling, since every other natural disaster that’s possible had happened to us up to that point. But no, no mauling. Instead we got a prairie fire. WHAT NEXT????
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(like 20 game days later)
Oh cool, Oregon.
*survival optional for other group members.
The Original Half-Life is Fantastic
I started a new game of Half Life a week or so ago and have been playing my way through it. I’d totally forgotten how long it takes to get to the damn surface that it is the most fantastic game on the planet.
10 reasons why this game is awesome:
10. It’s Black Mesa! I’d totally want to work there if it actually existed. I have a mug (available from the Valve store).
9. “Start the rotors” is a running joke with me (mostly just in my head). Anytime I do something that I know is going to cause catastrophe later, I say to myself “I just started the rotors, didn’t I?”
8. Watching Stephen King’s “The Mist” with my dad like a decade ago (old Claudia is old) I thought, “holy crap, this is a total rip-off of Half Life!” Turns out Half-Life itself is based partially on “The Mist.” Oops.
7. Gordon’s 27 years old and all the other scientists are geezermobiles. I just find that hilarious.
6. This game is my late childhood-early adolescence. I think my mom’s old friend got some sort of bootleg copy for me to play (‘cause that’s what he did with everything) and then we went out and got a legit copy ‘cause we thought it was so awesome.
5. I really like the fact that two expansion games to the original, Opposing Force and Blue Shift, allowed you to play the game from two perspectives other than Gordon’s—as a soldier (Opposing Force) and as one of the security guards (Blue Shift).
4. I know it’s not directly related to Half Life gameplay itself, but when I found the Half Life references while playing Portal, I had a little squee. Okay, a major squee. Good video of the “Competing with Black Mesa” slideshow.
3. Cheating. Is. Hilarious. Activate god mode, noclip, and impulse 101 when you’re going through the tram system during the opening credits and you can go screw with all the scientists in the scenes you pass. I like to throw snarks at the security guards then sprint in the opposite direction.
2. Speaking of snarks…
1. CROWBAR!!
You can have your overly-fancy graphics, intelligent enemies, experience points, and dynamic environments. Just give me Gordon Freeman.
