You know what’s a big deal to me? Fonts.
Has anyone reading this ever seen the old Disney Silly Symphony cartoon called Music Land?
If you don’t have 9 minutes to watch: the story’s about two warring lands in the world of music: the Isle of Jazz, populated by anthropomorphic jazz instruments such as saxophones, trumpets, and guitars, and the Land of Symphony, populated by anthropomorphic—you guessed it—symphonic instruments such as violins, violas, cellos, etc. The princess of Symphony, a young violin, falls in love with the prince of Jazz, a little saxophone. They’re caught canoodling in Symphony, the prince is thrown into jail, and the two lands go to war over the whole thing. The prince escapes and the two lovers row out into the Sea of Discord (haha) separating the two lands and almost drown, causing the parents (Queen of Symphony and King of Jazz) to row out to rescue them. In the end, the queen and king fall in love and the two lands reconcile, creating a Bridge of Harmony across the Sea of Discord (d’awwwww). Seriously, watch the cartoon if you’ve got time, it’s pretty awesome.
Anyway, to bring that back around, that’s kind of the relationship I see when I think of fonts. There’s like a Serif Land and a Sans Serif Land, with Times New Roman and Arial the two respective leaders. They absolutely hate each other and the serif fonts stay well out of the way of the sans serifs. And there’s like this half-breed group of wild semi-serifs that roam outside the boundaries of either land and eat the fonts that stray out of the protection of their respective areas.*
I’ll say it again: fonts are a big deal to me.
Anyway. The main reason I keep redoing my heading for this blog is because I have yet to identify a font as my particular signature font. Times New Roman is certainly my favorite font (serifs > sans serifs, I don’t care what anyone else says), but it’s not MY font. At least not for this blog. I keep jumping around with a few fonts (right now I’m using Metro, which is pretty great but isn’t just right), but every time I check for more to download I either download like 90 different ones and thus consequently have to delete yet another program from Vaio (hard drive = 99.9% full or something like that) while still not getting the right font or I get distracted reading about typography on Wiki.
So yeah, I know it doesn’t matter to anyone else and it’s probably just more annoying than anything else, but just to explain why that little header above keeps changing like every month/week/hour: I am searching for the right font. I know someday it will come.
Oh, also this, which I’ve posted before but am posting again because it’s hilarious and relevant.
*Do you see what goes on in my head? DO YOU? This is why I can’t take myself seriously.
I remember Fern Gully as being one of my favorite movies when I was a child. My friend George and I would sit and watch the video over and over and, each time, vehemently criticize the loggers responsible for destroying the forest of Mount Warning (which, FYI, is an actual place…didn’t know that until today. Thanks, Wikipedia).
I would watch this movie a lot on my own, too. And when I did, there was always one part that I had to rewind and watch again at least twice: the song Hexxus sings when he is freed and is feeding on the oil of The Leveler.
This worried my mom. “You know that’s the villain, right?” She’d asked me that at least once, I remember. I think she thought I really liked Hexxus when in truth I was just in love with his song.
To quote one of the commenters on YouTube, “somehow, a big patch of oil singing about destroying the environment is one of the sexiest songs ever written. HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE?!?!?! >.<”
As I continued to grow older, I noticed this common theme throughout almost every animated movie I watched: the villains get the best damn songs.
Governor Ratcliffe, for example, sings a wonderful little ditty about digging up Virginia cleverly entitled Mine, Mine Mine! This was a song on a mixed Disney CD my dad had when I was a kid and I always used to listen to it before going to bed at night. Not Colors of the Wind, not Be Our Guest, not A Whole New World, but Mine, Mine Mine! Odd child.
The rat version (excuse me, the mouse version) of Governor Ratcliffe (at least in my opinion–seriously they’re similar!), Ratigan, amuses us with a song about how awesome he is.
Not to be outdone in the egomaniac category, Gaston from Beauty and the Beast has, in my opinion, the most hilarious villain song ever created.
As a specimen, yes, he IS intiiiiiimidating. I’d marry him just for the chance that these guys would break into songs like this when we’re at home.
Me: How’d you sleep last night, dear?
Lefou (singing): nooooooo oooooooooooone SLEEPS like Gaston, COUNTS HIS SHEEP like Gaston, no one suppresses Freudian urges as DEEP as Gaston!
Gaston: when in REM sleep my PGO waaaaaaaaaves are greatest!
Lefou: which helps YOU remember you’re Gaston!
Me: …that’s nice, dear.
Also, you know, he’s roughly the size of a barge.
And let’s not forget Scar from The Lion King. Creepiness is exasperated when you listen to the German version.
For some reason, German-speaking hyenas are inherently funny to me.
Finally, for the best villain song EVER, we’ve got the good old Claude Frollo from The Hunchback of Notre Dame.
Tony Jay’s voice is fantastic in this. I just really like The Hunchback of Notre Dame.
I have honestly not watched this movie since I was about seven. It’s SO FREAKING FUNNY. I think I laughed hard enough to give myself a nosebleed when I get up tomorrow morning (this has happened several times before).
Snow White: “We’ll clean the house and surprise them! Then maybe they’ll let me stay!”
Yeah, that’ll do it. Though I must admit, as a kid I freaking LOVED the cleaning scene. There’s just something about synchronized cleaning, I guess.
Side note: no animated animal labor laws were violated in the making of this movie.
And Doc’s great. He really reminds me of someone, but I can’t think of the person. And Bashful’s adorable, but GRUMPY HAS NO TIME FOR HIS NONSENSE!
Snow White totally mocks Grumpy when she firsts meets him. “OOOOOOOOH, you must be GWUMPY!”
They jab at each other through almost the whole thing. If this were a romantic comedy today, they’d be making out at the end of the movie.
Also, why are they so afraid in the beginning? There are seven of them and they have pickaxes.
Happy: “What is it?”
Doc: “It’s a girl!”
Happy: “She’s waking up!”
Sneezy: “What’ll we do?!”
Hahaha, it’s like a frat house the morning after a BAD party.
Doc: “You might be cold and wet when you’re done, but you gotta admit, it’s good clean fun.”
“GET THE SOAP.”
I love you, Doc.
Happy can really move his hips, but Doc’s the lady’s man.
The scene in which they’re chasing the queen is pretty epic. You don’t want to make Happy angry. And does her death ring of “Wile E. Coyote” to anyone else aside from me (she’s on a cliff, tries to push a boulder onto the little gang, and the cliff on which she’s standing gets split from the mountain and the boulder falls after her)?
Random side note: after Disney’s first few movies, notice how black hair is almost strictly reserved for villains.
Also, one of you needs to tell Rebeca that it’s very hard sitting straight-faced in front of 200 students proctoring an exam when you’ve got “SCREW THE VAGINA, I HAVE A VAGINA!” going through your head.
Today’s song: We Used to be Friends by The Dandy Warhols
TODAY I will give you my top 5 Disney movies, mainly because I’ve been watching way too many of them on YouTube. Also, this is based more than what Disney considers their “masterpieces,” which excludes, unfortunately, things like Toy Story and Anastasia. Anyway.
1. The Hunchback of Notre Dame
This movie is EPIC. Love the animation, love the music, love the evil Claude Frollo. He’s badass.
Another epic movie with great animation and great music. There’s also quite a bit of humor in this one that I missed when I was little.
3. The Great Mouse Detective
Basil’s hot. Don’t care if he’s a mouse.
4. Toy Story
FREAKING LOVED THIS in elementary school. We quoted it as often as possible. I also think the idea of Tom Hanks voicing a cowboy is automatically funny.
Another movie we were obsessed with in elementary school. I was also probably biased towards this one because of my friend Anastasia.
So I was browsing old Disney videos uploaded to YouTube tonight and I decided to watch Beauty and the Beast. I got as far as the Gaston Song and stopped, ‘cause I had to watch that song like five times.
I forgot how freaking hilarious it is! Observe:
“As a specimen, yes, I’m inTIIIIIImidating!”