So I think my calculus II test scores are the first few terms of an infinite alternating series that converges to 95.
Those of you who remember your tests grades: did yours ever follow a particular pattern? Depending on how many tests are scheduled for a class in a semester, I get the following patterns:
Test 1: High A
Test 2: High A
Test 1: Moderate A
Test 2: Low A
Test 3: High A
Test 1: Moderate A
Test 2: High A
Test 3: Low A
Test 4: High A
(and if there’s a fifth test as a final, then I usually do okay on that one)
Linear Algebra was the exception to this…I just had all Bs in place of the As and that’s why that’s been the ONE CLASS in which I haven’t gotten an A.
It’s the world “algebra,” man. We still don’t get along.
This damn English essay, man.
So in sharp contrast to just two days ago, I now have 15 pages of drabble for my Larger World essay in non-fic. Which is cool—that’s the necessary length—except for the fact that I’m probably only a fourth done with what I want to say.
So I don’t know if I should just write all this nonsense out and do some DRAMATIC CUTTING ACTION, or just start over with a smaller scope in mind.
I’ll have to ask my professor tomorrow exactly how long is “too long” for this last assignment. Though he’s already been more than patient with my spazzing over this freaking essay. It seems like the longer I know about an assignment the more I end up botching it.
TOO STRESSED TO BLOG SORRY.
Check out that Tuesday/Thursday, eh? Depending on when I end up teaching, I may just have band on those days.
But I do want to add something else somewhere…not sure where…but somewhere. I don’t like this 12/13 credit thing.
Maybe I’ll shove an art class in there if I can. Or another stats class. Though I’m not sure if anything that I haven’t taken/aren’t already taking is being offered.
Today I present The Stages of Claudia’s Reaction to a Math Test
Right before the test: I freaking love calculus! I totally know this stuff.
Looking over the problems: LET’S DO THIS!
Doing the problems: What’s a plus sign?
Right after handing it in: Crap. That went badly.
10 minutes after handing it in: I suck I suck I suck I suck I suck
Rest of the day: WHY AM I SO BAD AT EVERYTHING I LOVE?
Next day: I’ve disappointed myself.
Following day: I’ve disappointed the gods of calculus.
Following day: I’ve disappointed everyone.
All next week: I am a worthless soul who can’t do anything right. Why do I even bother, it’s not like I’m smart enough for any of this. [insert obnoxious amount of pointless angst]
Getting the test back: Oh, an A. Okay.
This has seriously happened three times this semester. Still trying to shake that damn math test anxiety that’s been following me since high school.
The math part of my brain (that ITTY BITTY LITTLE TROOPER) is internalizing some substantial portion of this awesome stuff. Why can’t the rest of my brain figure that out?
I never have this problem with stats. More proof that at least for me, stats and math are quite different things.
So I’ve been screeching for like the past five minutes because THE FALL CLASS SCHEDULE IS UP ZOMG!
Agh, the ONE CLASS I really, really, really wanted to take (History of Math) is not offered.
Well hell, everything else looks good, though. Regardless of which section(s) I end up teaching of STAT 251, none of them will conflict with the other classes I want to take.
STAT 451: Probability Theory (8:30 – 9:20)
ENGL 492: Advanced Fiction Writing (12:30 – 1:20)
MATH 432: Numerical Linear Algebra (1:30 – 2:20)
MATH 215: Intro to Advanced Mathematics (2:30 – 3:20)
MUSA 321: Concert Band (4:30 – 5:20)
I also really want to take HIST 404: History of Science until 1800, but I can’t find the prerequisites anywhere (it’s a special topics class, so who knows) and it also conflicts with Advanced Fiction.
Throw one (or two?) sections of STAT 251 in there and we’re good.
But DAMMIT I wanted History of Math.
Freaking crap, man.
This semester’s been a rollercoaster. And not a fun one.
I’ve hit this impenetrable wall of depression that I haven’t experienced since high school. Vancouver depression was really “pity me and my horrible life” self-induced sadness. This is like “even if I won a Nobel Prize I’d still want to crawl in a hole and die” sadness.
Anyway, for some more school-related blathering:
The UI math department offers a special MAT degree, which is a “Master of Arts in Teaching Mathematics” degree. From what I gather, it’s a non-thesis MA track with an emphasis in (surprise!) teaching math.
So currently I have no idea where this math degree will get me other than flailing about even more stuff. But if it ends up going the way statistics went for me, I’ll likely want to teach it.
The MAT degree specifically states that it “only” prepares for teaching at some community colleges. I would be 100% okay with that (community colleges need teachers, too!). I can teach stats as I am, but I don’t think anyone would let me teach math with my current background, so I’d pretty much have to get some sort of advance degree to do so.
The only issue is this: right now I’m on the “statistics” track of the math degrees. I would guess I’d need to move to the “general” track to best prepare for graduate math insanity. That would mean like 5 more semesters rather than 2—which would be totally fine, I love school—but I don’t know about the money issue.
What would be real awesome is if I were to become a permanent lecturer in the stats department. I found out yesterday that I will be teaching in the summer and will most likely be teaching again in the fall (maybe two sections!), but I don’t know how long the demand for a supplemental lecturer will last.
So I guess I just need to stop blabbing about it and go inquire about the MAT. Couldn’t hurt, right?
It’s one of those “12 hours on campus every day” weeks.
Which means it’s also one of those “have repeated panic attacks in my office” weeks.
Come on, brain. Now’s not the time for your BS. Wait until after finals, alrighty? I’ll let you concentrate on nothing but naughty Leibniz thoughts* if you wait until after finals to spaz yourself into a quagmire of busted synapses.
In other news: I need this shirt.
*You do that anyway, but whatevs.
So I’ve got good news and bad news.
Bad news: due to scheduling conflicts, I had to drop my “for fun” class, Engineering Physics, this semester. Perhaps I’ll be able to fit it in next fall.
Good news: room has opened up in Intermediate Non-Fiction, the next class for me in the Non-Fiction track. So I added that today as my “fun class” at the last minute (literally 11:59 PM).
And in the long-term (’cause I’m all about the long-term), this is probably a better class to take right now anyway. It actually pertains to either a Writing minor or an English major depending on which I decide to pull. And I’ve been itching for another writing class. I love being “forced” to write for homework and I love to read other peoples’ writing.
This semester’s going to be rough.
I don’t say that because I don’t think I can handle the classes (I’m like 88% sure I will be able to handle them; it’s only 15 credits anyway). I say it because every class I’m taking is in a subject where I could spend hours and hours and hours obsessing over the homework. Which is cool, and is really the point of college—after all, why bother with higher education if you’re not studying something about which you’re passionate?—but can lend itself to problems if I were to get so insanely focused on one class’s homework that I accidentally neglect my other classes. Which is a real possibility, ’cause you know how obsessive I get.
And I already dig C++. A lot more similar to R programming than I was expecting.
And now, what time is it?
ADVENTURE TIME! SURVEY TIME!
1) What is your occupation?
2)What colour are your socks now?
My feet are naked, yo!
3)What are you listening to now?
My Rage Quit playlist on YouTube.
4)What was the last thing you ate?
A Wasa flatbread with hummus.
5)Can you drive a stick shift?
6)Last person you spoke to on phone?
7)Do you like the person who sent you this?
I lifted this from some random blog, so I have no idea.
8)How old are you today?
9)What is your favourite sport to watch on TV?
I’m not much of a sport person. OOOH WAIT FIGURE SKATING!
10)What are your favourite drinks?
Water. Red Bull.
11)Have you ever dyed your hair?
Once. I put streaks of red in. They stayed in there forever until I dyed them out with black.
13)Last movie watched?
14)Favourite day of the year?
Any day but April Fool’s. I freaking hate April 1st.
15)How do you vent out your anger?
16)Favourite toy as a child?
I had these 26 little chirping chicks that I accumulated over several Easters. I had one name for each letter of the alphabet.
18)Do you want your friends to email you?
Nobody ever does, so meh.
19)When was the last time you cried?
20)What is on the floor of your closet?
Most of my possessions.
21)Who is the friend you have had the longest?
22)What did you do last night?
23)What are you most afraid of?
24)Plain,cheese or spicy hamburger?
25)Favourite dog breed?
I’m not a dog person.
26)Favorite day of the week?
27)How many states have you lived in?
Two (plus two Canadian provinces).
28)Diamond or pearl?
29)What is your wish for this new year?
To not be as big of a failure as I currently am.
30)New year resolutions?
I am 24 years old. Even though nationally the average number of years it takes to graduate with a bachelors degree is trending towards 6 years and thus more and more people are my current age when they graduate, most freshman are still 18, 19, maybe 20.
And currently, I am taking mainly freshman classes.
Why it’s fun: I love the broad scope of 100-level classes. I like how (most) 100-level classes are graded quite easily and thus kind of allow you to mentally gloss over the parts that don’t hold your interest but delve into the parts that do. That’s kind of the purpose of 100-level classes anyway, isn’t it? To help you figure out if what you’re studying actually interests you?
Why it’s scary: There’s always the chance for failure. If I can’t handle things at the 100-level, I’m pretty much in trouble. So there’s that.
Why it’s hilarious: Oh my god. Freshmen.
Why it’s depressing: I’m 24 and still in the “beginning” classes as if I have yet to do anything (academic-wise) with my life. It makes me wish that I’d known what I wanted to do way back when I first started in 2006 (or even before that).
Why it’s exciting: There’s something about starting at the “beginning” of a new field of study, man. The possibilities! The chance for finding future obsessions!
Why it’s disturbing: The number of people who are in college but show absolutely no interest in what they’re studying is the most depressing thing ever. Why waste your time, money, energy, and the prime years of your life doing something you hate? [says the girl who spent two miserable years in the hellhole of Vancouver just for a Masters, but ignore that for now]
Why it’s “wow”: Dude. I just love school, okay? I bitch about it a lot, but I love it.
I’m also really jazzed up today for some reason.